There's no formal introduction here. I'm getting right down to business.

Chances are, you barely noticed my presence or caught a glimpse of my face. I was simply a white tank top, a pair of blue high-waisted shorts and a Red Sox cap in front of you, waiting eagerly for froyo. You’d most likely be creeped out to know that I was eavesdropping so intently on your exchange with your daughter. I never got a chance to see her either, but from the sound of her voice, I’m guessing she was no older than eight or nine.

I couldn’t help but smile as she breathlessly recited a litany of her afternoon. Swimming, tennis, art, scrapbooking, dance class. Her chipper stories brought back fond memories. As a child, I always looked forward to getting milkshakes with my younger brother upon completing an exhausting day of camp. Listening to your daughter transported me back to those ice cream parlor outings and inspired me to order a chocolate peanut butter smoothie, reminiscent of the treats I once enjoyed.

The mood of nostalgia was shattered when she scurried up to the counter and told the server, “I’d like a small chocolate-hazelnut with brownie bites please!” “Wow,” I thought to myself, “that’s my kind of girl!” Then I heard you reprimand, “No, no, no, stuff like that is off-limits. It’ll make you blow up like a balloon!” You instructed the server, “two kiddie originals with strawberries, please. Scratch that chocolate monstrosity, haha.”

I froze for a second, choking on my smoothie. Maybe I’d misheard you? Nope. My skin tingled and my eyes began to water. It took extreme self-control to keep my mouth shut and back turned. Perhaps I’m glad I resisted the temptation to turn around. Looking into your daughter’s eyes would have catalyzed an explosive outburst of tears. I left that shop as fast as I could without looking back.

Although it’s been a couple of days, your words have been playing in my head on repeat mode. The overwhelming exasperation is still fresh. So I’m using writing to resolve these feelings:

Did you know that more than half of girls aged six to eight (in the U.S.) believe that they should be thinner? Or that, by age seven, one in four kids have engaged in some form of dieting? I don’t know about you, but I find those statistics highly disturbing. Childhood is meant to be a carefree time, the calm before the metaphorical storm of adulthood. I’m pretty sure that I barely knew what a calorie was at age eight. I was an active kid who never thought much about what she ate. My mother always provided nutritious options, but also allowed us to enjoy desserts. Thus, I sailed through my younger years blissfully free of body issues.

Then came high school. To make a long story short, I spent two years enslaved to the mentality that anything with flour, sugar or butter would turn me into a heifer. It’s a pretty shitty way to live and it kills me when I witness parents, who should be instilling self-confidence, planting those poisonous seeds instead.

I’m sure you care deeply about your daughter and that your comments were well-intentioned. However, there’s a better way to encourage sensible eating and slapping moral labels and restrictions on the food she eats isn’t one of them. Simply put, conditioning your daughter at a vulnerable age to become preoccupied with food and scales is a recipe for disaster. Strive to instill balance first and foremost. Absolutely help your daughter to develop an appreciation for sweet potatoes and greens, but let her enjoy a slice of cake now and then, too. Moderation in all things.

Better yet, focus on her intellect and her talents! Don’t inundate her with what can’t be had or done. Tell her that she is enough and teach her about compassion and integrity. Second and third graders should be learning how to expand their hearts and minds, not how to shrink their bodies. “Healthy habits” aren’t so healthy when formed at the expense of sanity and emotional well-being.

I doubt you’ll ever read this, but that doesn’t matter. All I have left to say is that, the next time you two are out, I hope you’ll allow her to savor that overdue “chocolate monstrosity.” And no, there will not be any instant weight gain.

Sincerely,

The Girl in Front of You with the Smoothie