I have never been great at using words to express my feelings. I can write fiction, I can write the feelings of characters, but I can never express my own. I always thought I could express how I felt to anyone, at least until I met you. You have left me speechless and each day you continue to do so.
I use the word met loosely. You were my friend before you became my boyfriend for a really long time and little did I know how you really felt about me. I never expected those feelings overnight, and to be honest, I never expected them at all. I just expected a good lifelong friend to share a few laughs with here and then.
However, God has a plan, and that whole time I never expected what I received. But it was a pleasant surprise that God knew I deserved.
I remember the nights where I would pray about the man of my dreams and wonder, "Why hasn't he came around yet? Am I not meant to find happiness?" I remember those nights vividly, but it took time for me to finally see why I had to wait to find happiness. I never understood why my friends would find their right guys in high school and couple off like it was a disease. I certainly never got why I was the only girl in my group at prom to not have a boyfriend. It may have bothered me, but my mind was focused on my future and my career. It was focused on the hopes and dreams of saving lives and making the world a better place: Not finding a boyfriend. In my opinion, if somewhere in that dream I found love, then so be it. I am young, I have my whole life to fall in love. However, God listens, and what you ask for you shall receive. God gave me you after high school. He knew that you and I needed time to grow as people and functioning members of society before we could become a couple and grow together as a couple.
God knew all along that my prince charming wouldn't come riding in on a white stallion, but that he came riding in a Mustang race car and was a good friend of mine for all these years.
We were friends: I was there when you needed someone to talk to when a girl broke your heart, or when you needed to just vent about your car or how nothing was going right for you. I was that person, and you were that person for me. Granted, you were a year older than I was, but that's not important: Older is wiser. I didn't know that with every little conversation you were slowly getting feelings for me.
The whole time I was not my best self, you were there to see it. You may have not always been a ball of bubbling joy, and many times I remember you'd call me annoying, but you stuck around. You were there when my heart kept being broken by boys who weren't worth my time, even though internally watching that was hurting you.
I never knew that all the times you would ask me to do things it was because you liked me. I just thought we were friends. I did for two years. I thought we were just friends. I was wrong, but I am so glad I was wrong.
College changes things. You find yourself quickly, you find your people, and sometimes you become closer to people you never imagined would still be in your life once you leave high school.
For us? All it took was one single night. One single night where you told me how you felt for the last two years.
I had to admit: I was shocked. My whole life I was the awkward girl who played flute and had an unusually keen obsession with science. My whole life I never thought the man I would have my heart stolen by I would have met in high school.
But my heart was stolen by you.
You asked me out on several dates, and then proceeded to ask me to be your girlfriend in the most memorable way possible. You've cuddled me and sat through reruns of Grey's Anatomy, you've driven me in your Mustang to Taco Bell, you've even taken me out on a picnic date. Not to mention the fact you'd drive out of your way to see me whenever I am sad.
All these memories, and not once did I pursue you. You pursued me and continue to pursue me every day just as you had the last two years. You respect me, care about me, and make me feel like a princess every single day. You've even pushed me to be a better woman, student, and a better Christian as I push you to do the same. You and I are the perfect team: You're my biggest fan, and I am your cheerleader. When you succeed, I am proud, and I am there to support you whenever you don't. I continue to learn more about you as you learn more about me as the days go by. Honey, you are not a boy, you are not a guy, you are truly a real man and I am so glad you gave me the honor of loving you, and I will continue to love you until the end of my days.