I write this at a time of complete confusion. It’s so hard to be comfortable with being single in college because it’s like your eyes constantly wander, looking for boys who could be with you. Maybe I am wearing the wrong clothes or fixing my hair the wrong way. Perhaps, it’s my fault that we haven’t encountered each other. Maybe I am too timid to approach you, or perhaps you’re the shy one. You know by now that I am the type of person who likes to ignore the downfalls of people and instead create the perfect image of them that I have already figured. With you, though, I have no need to create a false sense of perfection, because truly, you are perfect for me. You probably don’t mind that I am constantly in the cycle of bangs or no bangs and you don’t worry about if I wear my favorite sweatshirt to my Monday classes and again to my Tuesday classes. This is love, and it’s real, and it’s happening now.
My Past
I find myself questioning if I will be okay for you. Perhaps my past mistakes make me an unlovable person. I want to apologize for my actions where I don’t take you into consideration. Those moments where I make ridiculous mistakes without even wondering how they will hurt you. That is incredibly selfish of me to do. On the other hand, I am sure the thought of me has slipped out of your mind a few times as well. I have lived for only me up until now. I know we both have endured heartbreak, those wounds may still be a bit sensitive. We can find a way to heal, though. I always dreamed of a guy who would hug me as I cried about overcoming mental illnesses and picked me up even on my darkest days. I am sorry I didn’t focus on you when I felt ready to give up. I’m sorry I was willing to put my life on the line to destroy your happiness. Little do you know that often times, the thought of you kept me going. This was until I could fully love myself for me (which seems to be a constant struggle).
The Future
In my dreams, as I lay here watching Twilight, I hope we have a strong love, full of joy and peace. I hope that we grow through the tough times and the not-so-Hallmark moments of marriage. I hope we dance in the rain every chance we get and listen to crappy 2000’s music on long drives. I hope we can adopt and help every human being we can meet. I hope we host dinners full of laughter and smiles from everyone as they fill their bellies with every style of potato we can find. I hope my parents love you like they love me, I apologize for my dad’s corny jokes in advance. I hope we have successful careers we enjoy. I hope we can travel to every place we have mapped out on our living room wall. I hope you hold my hand every time we walk side-by-side for the rest of our lives.
Our Now
As for now, I hope you get to read this before you walk to meet me down the aisle. I’ll be the one in the Chacos and wedding dress, if all went as planned. I cannot believe I have lived a single day without knowing you. I never want to do that again. So, let’s always say “we do” to life. Let’s never turn down an opportunity to live. Because we’re about to stare in each other’s eyes and commit to forever, and you have never been more wonderful.
