I was always so okay with being alone. Sleeping alone. Watching Netflix alone. Enjoying my solitude. That all changed when I gave myself away to someone who left me unable to recognize who I was when he was gone. I became a girl who struggled to function by herself, who doubted who she was without him by her side. I put so much of myself into this man that when he left me I didn't know what to do. After I stopped crying, and looked at my tear stained face in the mirror one last time I vowed to never ever lose myself in someone else again.

To be honest I'm terrified to write about this so vulnerably because the last time I was this vulnerable I got my heart shattered but here it goes.

You were the guy I never saw myself falling for, it was an unintentional bewitching and we both know it didn't take long before I fell hard for you. Maybe it was your wit or the way that you could put up with my sass but something about you made me feel different. I felt special at least in the "honeymoon" phase I did. We had good times you and I both know this to be true. However, when the happy memories stopped forming I was left with this gut feeling that our whole relationship revolved around you. I let you control my happiness and that is something I'll never forgive myself for. What kind of life was I living where a text from you could literally make or break my day? That was my first inclination that something was wrong because the me before you would never let a guy dictate my mood.

I'd like to tell myself that you didn't understand that I was giving you everything but deep down I think that was all part of your manipulative plan. You played the game to get everything you wanted from the deal without having to pay the price of commitment to me. You were not a terrible person you simply cared for me when you felt like it where I didn't have that luxury, for I cared for you all too much. And honestly I care about you even now.

I tried and tried to be good enough for you all the while realizing that I was changing little pieces of me not for myself but in hopes that it just might make you want me. I was afraid to tell you no because I didn't want to give you more reason to think that I wasn't girlfriend material. So many times I hid my pain from you because I didn't want to be that annoying girl who you slept with. You were a parasite and I let you feed off me so much so that when you first left I no longer felt alive.

Accepting that we were over was hard but trying to find who I truly am is harder. I feel like I'm a puzzle where all the edge pieces are put together and now I'm forced to try to finish the middle, which is the hardest part. Everyday that I spend alone helps me put another piece of my puzzle together. I remember that I deserve to be loved by someone who cares for me all the time, who gives as much as they take and most of all someone who helps me grow into the mold I want to be not the mold they think I should conform to. Slowly but surely I am finding myself and honestly she is a pretty amazing person, I love her more than you ever could.

Finally, I want to say thank you. Thank you for the times you made me feel special, and for encouraging me to try new things. Thank you for all the laughs those that I know I'll miss the most. But most of all thank you for letting me go. Thank you for breaking me down to the point that I realized that I am truly the only one who can bring me back up. Thank you for letting me give you everything so that I could recognize there are somethings that I need to keep just for myself.

P.S. Don't worry about me, I'm happier now than you ever made me.