I’ve been constantly put down the past 4 years of my life by you, and I never fully noticed until I finally left you.
Being with you made me feel like I was on cloud nine. I loved you so much. Nothing could ever split us apart, it was me and you against the world, forever... right? I was unaware that your "forever" had an expiration date, while mine did not. Although, I am glad you left me with my own depressing thoughts because they shaped me into who I am today. I am strong, independent, and amazing without you putting me down.
You would tell me every day I was never smart enough to go to college or to finish high school. I was never good enough to find someone to love me for me and my flaws. I would never be able to survive without you, I was always told I needed you or I’d be unsuccessful. The worst part is, I believed every single word that came out of your mouth just because I loved you so much.
You would belittle me every day to the point where my mind truly started believing you because I thought you loved me. When someone loves you, they say things to help you and guide you on the right path. I gave up so much in my life because you always told me that I was never good enough to fulfill that task. I missed out on so much in my life because there was always a voice in my head reminding me that I wasn’t good enough for that, or that I couldn't do it without you by my side. Nights in my room were spent crying and screaming into my pillow for hours trying to figure out what was so wrong with me. Why wasn’t I just as good as everyone else? Why did you make me feel this way? Why couldn’t I get your toxic voice out of my head?
I’m here to tell you that I do not need you. Although your thoughts of me have impacted my life still to this day, I survived without you. I am almost done with high school and actually started college. I did find someone who loves me, even with all the damage you did to me, and he is so much better than you will ever be. When you got up and left me, I was a mess; I couldn’t even function. That is where I was wrong in so many ways. You leaving me was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I constantly felt like a letdown, as if everything I ever did was never right. You leaving me, helped me open my eyes to what I needed to work on and fix. I'm now living my life without you, and it will stay this way. I don’t need you, and I never will.
I hope one day you find happiness within yourself—or could you never do that either?
Love,
The Girl Who Did It Without You
