I just wanted to tell you that I am okay, and I will be for as long as I can try to be. I am glad you left me with my own thoughts, they shaped me into who I am today. I am strong, independent, and amazing without you. I am not mad at you for leaving, or even just simply being done with me. I will admit that I am sad with the way you left me. You never even gave me a reason for leaving me, you just left. You knew that people leaving me has happened so much in my life that I practically begged you to tell me if you ever wanted to leave. You constantly would tell me that you had no intention of leaving my side, ever. The worst part is: I believed every single word that came out of your mouth just because I loved you so much. The best part is, is that I truly believed you simply because you never gave me a reason not to. I had put my guards down and let you see parts of me that even my friends never saw in me. You see, when you left me, I felt like parts of me left too. I still to this day have no idea why you left me, or what made you finally get up and leave.
Was it me being too caring? For checking in on you? For making sure you drove safe and were always cautious? For simply wanting to spend time with you? Or my favorite one: was I not good enough for you? Why wasn’t I just as good as everyone else? Why did you make me think this way - I shouldn’t be overthinking this. I hate that you never even gave me a reason - I hate myself for so much. Why wasn’t I good enough for a simple reason for you leaving my life? I can’t stand that this is all I think about constantly. I do not know if you left simply because you got tired of me, or even just because you thought I was too caring for you. Either way, I am so sorry that I was not enough for you to stay.
I know I shouldn’t be apologizing though - if anything, you should be. You lost out on someone who would have done literally anything for you. I stayed up with you when you felt like you were dying, I drove to your house at 4 am on a school night because you called me wanting to end your life. What did I do besides car and give my all to you? I seriously do not understand what I did to you to simply just walk away from me, like I was nothing. It’s fine though, really, because I know I will be okay. Will I ever forget about the way you made me feel..most likely never. But I do know that I will overcome this feeling of not feeling good enough for you, because I know that isn’t true. You did not deserve me, and I did not deserve to be treated that way.
Thank you, but please... Just give me a reason.
Love,
The Girl Who Feels Lost
