Dear you,
At one point, you were everything I ever wanted. You were my sunshine on a cloudy day. When I was having a bad day, on the verge of giving up, you were there. I thought you were the one. You knew everything about me. My mom constantly tried to remind me how naive I was. I mean, how could I love someone who made me cry and question my worth? But, I was young and I thought you were different.
I was with you because you loved me when I didn’t love myself, or so I thought. See, the truth is, I was wrong about you. Here I was thinking you would be the one I spent the rest of my life with. You even told me so. Then, a few weeks later, you left and moved on. Once that ended, you were back in my arms. This happened a few times and I kept letting you put my heart through this vicious cycle. You only wanted me when someone else didn’t want you. It sounds so pathetic of me to allow you to keep doing this to me. At the time, I thought it was love. Now, I realize how toxic you were to my life. What we had wasn’t love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving you all the blame, I’ve done some hurtful things too, but you have heard a “sorry” from me for it all. When do I get an apology? I don't expect one, ever. Because at the end of the day, you think you did nothing wrong.
When things ended for good, I lost myself for a while. I couldn’t help but think of what I could have done to make you stay. Truth was, there was nothing I could have done. I thought things were perfect, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized they were not perfect at all. I wasn’t just losing a boyfriend (even though you swear to everyone else that we never dated), I lost a best friend. I used to cringe every time I heard one of “our songs.” I could not listen to "Rollercoaster" by Luke Bryan or "All of Me" by John Legend for the longest, although they were my favorites. I used to hate when people even brought you up. I hated you. Now, I don't hate you; I'm just disappointed you turned into the person you said you would never be. It took time, but I finally forgave you. I forgave you, because no one is perfect.
It’s been over a year now since we talked. There are times where I think of you and what we could have been, but then I am reminded of the hell you put me through. Don’t get me wrong, I still pray for you. I pray that you are happy and successful, but I also pray that you never come back to me. I am a much better person without you. I’ve learned to love myself. I have learned how to be happy on my own.
With Love,
Me
