Dear ______,
Our relationship is best described as the roller coaster, King Da-Ka. The whole beginning was exactly like a fairytale. You made me feel important, loved, and you showed how much you cared for me in so many ways. You weren't just my boyfriend, but you were also my best friend.
On the contrary, the rest of my life started to fall apart. My friends didn't want to hang out with me, since I was always with you. I started staying over your apartment almost every single night, causing a strain between my roommate, who was my best friend, and I. I even stopped going to some of my extracurricular events just because I'd rather be with you. None of it mattered to me at the time, because you were the person I cared most about. If you were happy, I was too.
That's when I started noticing everything in your life was still going just fine. If anything, you were spending more time with your friends with me, you were becoming more active in your extracurriculars, and no one had a problem with me being around. The rare events where you would want to do something alone, you would do them and I would sit in my dorm room alone, waiting for you to finish up with whatever you were doing.
Suddenly, it felt like a switch went off. I knew you had a mean side, but I never knew just how far you could go. You knew I wasn't happy with not going to the gym and when I was trying on clothes, you had the nerve to tell me that "I've gotten a lot bigger since we first started going out" and that I should "go to the gym more". What bothers me the most is that had you been anyone else on this planet, I would have told you to f off and to never speak to me again. But because I loved you, I started going and trying to look better just for you.
I remember a discussion we had once about how I don't have a lot of friends anymore. I said "I don't know why, am I doing something wrong?" You would think your reply would be "No you're great." but you couldn't even do that. You decided it was the perfect time to rant about how I'm too self centered and only speak about myself. When I stormed out of your apartment, you didn't even bother to follow me, making it vividly clear just how much you cared about me. What's sickening to even say, is that now, every time I speak, I involuntarily count the amount of times I say "I" or "me".
This wasn't me anymore. I had become a person that lived to serve you. I had tried to do everything best for you and I stopped caring about myself in the process. You manipulated me to believe that there was something wrong with ME and that I had to change who I was because I wasn't enough. I had never had low self esteem growing up, but you managed to make me feel the worst about myself I ever have. My friends didn't even understand why I was still with you when I told them any of our issues and eventually, they stopped caring to hear anything, positive or negative, about you.
As much as I'm aggravated for putting up with this for way too long, I also want to thank you. You taught me that I should never allow myself to be belittled by a guy. You taught me that the person that matters most is me and to never let that be hindered. I will never allow anyone to manipulate me the way you did. Honestly, I'm better off now with the knowledge I gained from our relationship.
So thank you, for this roller coaster, but it's time to get up and move on. I hope the next girl doesn't give in to your manipulative charm like I did.
Never Changing,
Arii.
