To The Girl Afraid Of Her Feelings

To The Girl Afraid Of Her Feelings

To be honest, the idea of getting "in too deep" with someone terrifies me.

Think back to your first crush, like ever. What was his name? Was he in your classes? Did you sit together at lunch? Did you write his name in little hearts all over notebook paper? How did he make you feel? I'm sure you were practically in love with him at the time.

If you're reading this, it's probably been a long time since you've felt this way about anyone.

There are the hopeless romantics, and there are the girls who avoid feelings at all costs. I recently discovered that I have become the latter of the two, and with that comes a lot of mixed feelings. I feel the need to maintain this persona because most people do not end up being worth my time (sorry, not sorry). It sounds harsh, but I don't mind it for the most part. I focus on what matters, like schoolwork, friends, and binge watching Shameless (Lip Gallagher is my only crush at the moment, but who can blame me?).On the flip side, I can't help but wonder why I'm like this. What is so wrong with having feelings? To be honest, the idea of getting "in too deep" with someone terrifies me.

We’ve all been there. You’ve met someone you really like, but then you take a step back and think to yourself,

I can’t let this happen. My feelings are going to get the best of me.

It can be hard to want anything more than a fling, because you are constantly meeting new people and life is unpredictable (to say the least). You're almost positive that nothing will ever last. That is totally understandable, because you have been exposed to so much, and you know that most things are temporary. But part of you also wonders why you haven't felt anything in a while -- never mind even wanting something more. You end up 'talking' to someone for a maximum of ten days and then wondering why they just disappear.

You then realize that you're doing this to yourself. Nothing ever lasts because you don't put the work in, and to be quite honest, it doesn't even faze you that people come and go. Still, you really wish you could let your guard down for once and invest your time and love in another human being. That can be hard, though. You are taking a huge risk by putting your heart on the line, but it seems as if others do so effortlessly. So, what's your deal? Why do you always push people away? Maybe you're afraid the worst-case scenario...

It doesn't work out.

So what? You've been through this before, and you ended up fine. But if you're familiar with heartbreak, then you'd never want that to happen again, right? There are plenty of other fish in the sea, right? The good does outweigh the bad. Feelings do suck, I know. They can change your outlook on life. They are worth living for. There is someone out there who could make you feel like you're on top of the world. What's better than that?

I've heard that being in love is "the best feeling in the world" (can't really speak for myself on this one), so please do yourself a favor and open your doors to someone when they come knocking. Do not let them go, because they may not come back if you push them away too soon. You will regret it.

You deserve to be so, so happy, but it's on you to stop being afraid of emotions and trust your instincts. Take a risk, for once. It could actually end up working out for you.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

Popular Right Now

On The Road To Safety

Will they finally make it or will they be captured once again?

Mr. Brooks Point of View:

I jolt awake with a searing pain in my leg and hold back a scream as to not wake Rebecca. I look to my left to see her angelic face and notice she is still sleeping. I don't want to wake her but I need to check my wound, so I quietly get out of bed. I gently remove the old bandage from my leg and notice it's not healing but getting worse. It looks infected with yellow puss leaking from my leg. I need to change the bandage so I rip the bottom of my shirt and tie it tightly around my leg. I really need to go to the hospital in order to stop the infection from spreading. I need to wake Rebecca so I go to her side of the bed, lean down, and kiss her passionately on the lips. She slowly wakes up and gazes at me while smiling, "Is that your version of a wake up call?"

"Only for you."

"You can kiss my again if you'd like."

"As you wish." I lean down once again, and our lips connect with such intensity and neither of us pulled away, the kiss only deepened. Until I realized the real reason I woke her, I then pulled away and said, "I could kiss you forever, but we really have to go because my leg is getting worse."

"Yea, and we also need to keep ahead of Justin and his gang." We both get dressed and head out to find the nearest hospital.

Rebecca's Point of View:

I hold up Mr. Brooks as we make our way through the woods and come to a clearing. There's a brook blocking our path, so we have to walk through it. "Be careful, there are many rocks and we don't need you to hurt yourself even more." We track across the brook and, I loose his grip and he falls in the water. He tries to get up but falls once again. "I think I sprained my ankle." I help him to his feet but his pant leg got caught on a sharp rock and ripped a small piece of his jeans off. We carefully walk through the brook to the other side. After what feels like hours we finally reach what looks like a small town and try to find the nearest hospital. We finally reach one and enter through the emergency doors. A nurse quickly assists us and asks, "What happened to him?"

"It's a long story, but he has a bullet wound in his leg that's infected and needs to be attended to as soon as possible." The nurse quickly grabs a wheelchair and takes him back to the emergency ward. I pace in the waiting room to hear the news from the doctor. An hour later the doctor comes out and says, "Mr. Brooks is going to be fine. We surgically removed the bullet from his leg and were able to clean the infection before it was able to spread. You may see him if you'd like."

Justin's Point of View:

After getting all of my members gathered together we head out to find our hostages. One of my members point towards a clearing and find a cabin. I walk though the door to find the smell of freshly burned wood and an unmade bed. "They couldn't have gone far! Split up and look for any tracks or signs of them!" I take a small team with me and spot two sets of footprints which we follow to a clearing. I find a piece of clothing floating in the water and pick it up. "This has to belong to one of them, we're getting closer to finally finding them." I just hope we find them before the boss finds out we lost them.

Cover Image Credit: Upload

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Dear ML

But you should have known

I should have known when you would get angry with me when I would lock the car doors.

I should known when you hid me from the world for 6 months because you didn’t want to be seen with me whether you admit it or not.

I should have known when I was embarrassed when I made a mistake because once again, whether you admit it or not, you were laughing at me. I suck at pool and instead of wanting to help me, you laughed and told all of your friends that you didn’t want me on your team because i sucked. You put your ego and need to be “cool” and I was further isolated from you.

I should have known when you refused to want to talk to me on my bad days when i didn’t know who i even was because it was too much and reminded you of her.

I should have known when you ditched me for your friends, gave up our alone time to see them and all the times you knew i didn’t want to be out til late or the times I was not in the mood to see anyone else but you, and still ended up with you and your 5 friends in a cold basement where you sat as far from me as possible.

I should have known when you had a “girl friend” sleepover your house when your parents were away and once again, whether you admit it or not, something more happened.

I should have known when your actions pushed me towards someone who values me more than you.

There were so many signs that I ignored because for once, i let my guard down. I loved you blindly and never saw the little things that I never knew mattered til I was sitting in his car in his friend’s driveway when he said “if you feel awkward, we’ll leave right away” or how he always introduces me as his girlfriend to people who might already know. You’ve harbored so much anger to me and calling me a cheater when you refuse to accept the fact that it was your actions since the day we met that always stayed with me.

You're mad at me for being happy. You're mad because you can't see the fact that you pushed me away. You're mad because you know deep down that you should have known how much love i had in my heart and now you're the one who's bitter and alone.

Related Content

Facebook Comments