Think back to your first crush, like ever. What was his name? Was he in your classes? Did you sit together at lunch? Did you write his name in little hearts all over notebook paper? How did he make you feel? I'm sure you were practically in love with him at the time.
If you're reading this, it's probably been a long time since you've felt this way about anyone.
There are the hopeless romantics, and there are the girls who avoid feelings at all costs. I recently discovered that I have become the latter of the two, and with that comes a lot of mixed feelings. I feel the need to maintain this persona because most people do not end up being worth my time (sorry, not sorry). It sounds harsh, but I don't mind it for the most part. I focus on what matters, like schoolwork, friends, and binge watching Shameless (Lip Gallagher is my only crush at the moment, but who can blame me?).On the flip side, I can't help but wonder why I'm like this. What is so wrong with having feelings? To be honest, the idea of getting "in too deep" with someone terrifies me.
We’ve all been there. You’ve met someone you really like, but then you take a step back and think to yourself,
I can’t let this happen. My feelings are going to get the best of me.
It can be hard to want anything more than a fling, because you are constantly meeting new people and life is unpredictable (to say the least). You're almost positive that nothing will ever last. That is totally understandable, because you have been exposed to so much, and you know that most things are temporary. But part of you also wonders why you haven't felt anything in a while -- never mind even wanting something more. You end up 'talking' to someone for a maximum of ten days and then wondering why they just disappear.
You then realize that you're doing this to yourself. Nothing ever lasts because you don't put the work in, and to be quite honest, it doesn't even faze you that people come and go. Still, you really wish you could let your guard down for once and invest your time and love in another human being. That can be hard, though. You are taking a huge risk by putting your heart on the line, but it seems as if others do so effortlessly. So, what's your deal? Why do you always push people away? Maybe you're afraid the worst-case scenario...
It doesn't work out.
So what? You've been through this before, and you ended up fine. But if you're familiar with heartbreak, then you'd never want that to happen again, right? There are plenty of other fish in the sea, right? The good does outweigh the bad. Feelings do suck, I know. They can change your outlook on life. They are worth living for. There is someone out there who could make you feel like you're on top of the world. What's better than that?
I've heard that being in love is "the best feeling in the world" (can't really speak for myself on this one), so please do yourself a favor and open your doors to someone when they come knocking. Do not let them go, because they may not come back if you push them away too soon. You will regret it.
You deserve to be so, so happy, but it's on you to stop being afraid of emotions and trust your instincts. Take a risk, for once. It could actually end up working out for you.