To The Girl Afraid Of Her Feelings

To The Girl Afraid Of Her Feelings

To be honest, the idea of getting "in too deep" with someone terrifies me.

Think back to your first crush, like ever. What was his name? Was he in your classes? Did you sit together at lunch? Did you write his name in little hearts all over notebook paper? How did he make you feel? I'm sure you were practically in love with him at the time.

If you're reading this, it's probably been a long time since you've felt this way about anyone.

There are the hopeless romantics, and there are the girls who avoid feelings at all costs. I recently discovered that I have become the latter of the two, and with that comes a lot of mixed feelings. I feel the need to maintain this persona because most people do not end up being worth my time (sorry, not sorry). It sounds harsh, but I don't mind it for the most part. I focus on what matters, like schoolwork, friends, and binge watching Shameless (Lip Gallagher is my only crush at the moment, but who can blame me?).On the flip side, I can't help but wonder why I'm like this. What is so wrong with having feelings? To be honest, the idea of getting "in too deep" with someone terrifies me.

We’ve all been there. You’ve met someone you really like, but then you take a step back and think to yourself,

I can’t let this happen. My feelings are going to get the best of me.

It can be hard to want anything more than a fling, because you are constantly meeting new people and life is unpredictable (to say the least). You're almost positive that nothing will ever last. That is totally understandable, because you have been exposed to so much, and you know that most things are temporary. But part of you also wonders why you haven't felt anything in a while -- never mind even wanting something more. You end up 'talking' to someone for a maximum of ten days and then wondering why they just disappear.

You then realize that you're doing this to yourself. Nothing ever lasts because you don't put the work in, and to be quite honest, it doesn't even faze you that people come and go. Still, you really wish you could let your guard down for once and invest your time and love in another human being. That can be hard, though. You are taking a huge risk by putting your heart on the line, but it seems as if others do so effortlessly. So, what's your deal? Why do you always push people away? Maybe you're afraid the worst-case scenario...

It doesn't work out.

So what? You've been through this before, and you ended up fine. But if you're familiar with heartbreak, then you'd never want that to happen again, right? There are plenty of other fish in the sea, right? The good does outweigh the bad. Feelings do suck, I know. They can change your outlook on life. They are worth living for. There is someone out there who could make you feel like you're on top of the world. What's better than that?

I've heard that being in love is "the best feeling in the world" (can't really speak for myself on this one), so please do yourself a favor and open your doors to someone when they come knocking. Do not let them go, because they may not come back if you push them away too soon. You will regret it.

You deserve to be so, so happy, but it's on you to stop being afraid of emotions and trust your instincts. Take a risk, for once. It could actually end up working out for you.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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An Open Letter To The Boy I Never Dated

Thanks for the memories.

Dear Boy I Never Dated,

You know who you are. I just want to get a couple things off my chest.

First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my friend, my ally, and at one point an important part of my life. Despite the fact that our relationship never went past the friend stage, I will never regret the time I spent with you or the memories we made. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so we were meant to be in each other's lives. Sure, I could go on and say that you missed out, how I'm an awesome person and all that stuff but that wouldn't do anything. We're both awesome people. Us never being a couple could never take away from that.

Honestly, I still consider us to be friends no matter where life takes us. I'm only one text or Snapchat away.

I do want to make one thing clear: I've moved on. I don't care what you've thought in the past or what you've been told, I'm seriously over it. I've been over it, despite what you think. I'm over everything; the pointless drama, the rumors, the over-thinking, and the self-doubt. I no longer care that you weren't interested in me in "that way." Honestly, this all went down so long ago that I don't even remember everything that happened.

I've met new people, had new experiences, and grew as a person. You've even noticed that I've changed. I'm the not the same girl that pined for you all those years ago. I care about you, obviously, but I know where we stand. Neither one of us needs to deal with the what-ifs or maybe-some-days. We both deserve loving committed relationships where the person you're with is 100% invested in you and vice versa. So maybe I am a text away, but that doesn't mean I'm available anymore.

If there's one thing about people that can get you down is that we're always disappointing. Either we're disappointing other people or disappointing ourselves. It is way too easy to break your own heart. I was guilty of that I think. I got too optimistic and thought we were on some path to greatest when in reality we were just two young kids that enjoyed spending time together. When things didn't go in my favor, I probably placed the blame on you because I was upset.

It took time for me to reflect and finally accept that I wasn't perfect, either. Now, I don't think anyone was at fault. Whether it was bad timing, lack of compatibility, or maybe lack of maturity neither one of one did anything wrong. At the time, it seemed so horrible that we never even tried but when I look back it's not a big deal.

To be completely honest, I'm now glad we never dated. There is no more resentment, bitterness, or pettiness. I don't think there was any to begin with, but I apologize if there was. Our lives may be going toward separate paths, but they're both paths of greatest. I'm completely, absolutely happy with where I am in life and all I can say is that I wish the same for you. When our paths do cross again someday, I'll be more than happy to see you.

With (platonic) love,

The Girl You Never Dated

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Poetry On Odyssey: Future

After fighting through the storm, I finally found my sunshine.


As lilies bloomed and weeping willows swayed in the breeze,
I took a step towards it; my future.
As the light grew brighter and my hair danced in the lilac-scented breeze,
I took a step towards it; my future.
As the heavy wooden doors parted ways and lilac petals were sucked in,
I took a step towards it; my future.
As the ancient doors closed behind me and our eyes met,
I took a step into it; my future.

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