Balance is the most formative tool I use to keep my world spinning.
Satisfaction comes from harmony and equity in all the relational aspects of my life.
As an October baby, I am a Libra at heart and if you read horoscopes, you will know that relational and inner peace is the key to my success. I have a ginormous heart, too big sometimes, as I put others before myself. This sounds like a perfect virtue, but I neglect to make good decisions for myself as I am always chasing balance. The most prominent time I chose the optimal path for myself was my junior year of high school. I do not regret putting myself first, but I do not have the closure I want, so here I am trying to fill a small void to tip my scale back to the center.
To the girl who supported me through the lowest point in my life: thank you.
For showing me compassion when the world left me alone. For keeping me overflowing with hope when my options seemed empty. For showering me with patience when everyone wanted me to get it together right there and then. For being my best friend and loving me so wholeheartedly when I did not even like myself.
I was beyond lucky.
More fortunate than luck, since it was not just a flip of a coin chance that I had her in my life; it was intentional on her part. She understood my pain and knew my weaknesses, but never used them against me. Through her, I found myself again. I got on top of my life again, putting the pieces all back together. The turn around of my attitude and life goals was hard work, but worth all the blood, sweat, and tears. She pulled me to my feet again and showed me how to dance with a little spring in my step.
Unfortunately, our friendship did not survive another whirlwind.
The next year, she went through the same things as I had from prioritizing pointless teenage hobbies daily to always questioning her life agenda. I saw the signs of her going down the wrong path and I decided to warn her, but not walk down it with her. The path is not necessarily the "bad" path, it just does not fit who I am or who I want to be. Because she chose to explore the journey I had, I knew it would take intentional efforts to meander her way back to the optimal track. However, I realized that she did not see fault in her actions and would not want to change. So I stayed on my path and kept pursuing my goals.
Even though I kept my head down and chased my goals, I did look back.
Reaching out through texts and small sided talks were our only means of communication. There are no hard feelings and we are still good friends. She is unforgettable and I credit her with so much vigor for loving me even when I was unlovable. To this day, I get pangs of sadness that I could not be there for her while she figured things out. I feel unbalanced in our relationship because my actions fell short of who I am. But, if I had a chance to do it over, I would do it all the same, because I chose myself and became someone I am proud of.So to the girl who supported me through the lowest point in my life, thank you and I am sorry.