A Letter To The Girl Who Loves The Wrong People

To The Girl Who Keeps Loving The Wrong People

A letter to any girl who loves way too deeply...it needs to stop.

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Dear you,

You have the appearance of an abundant heart. People believe that your heart is large, strong and sturdy.

They often say, "you have such a big heart," never actually realizing how paper thin it actually is. It used to be large. It used to be strong. You don't really remember what made it so thin and fragile all you know is that this is how you live now.

However thin your heart is you continue to spread yourself even thinner for those you love. Your friends, your family, and yes even that past special someone. You spread yourself thinner and thinner until finally, the page rips.

Sometimes friends leave you. Sometimes they come back only just to leave you again. Some of them take from you and never realize they are taking. Friends can be shallow. Sometimes you need to be too. Sometimes you need to just say no.

A real friend hears you. A real friend has a heart just like yours. A true friend is someone who sticks with you longer than you thought they would. You will find those people. The key to keeping them is honesty, loyalty, and that paper thin heart. You spread yourself out as much as you want and they do the same.

These people will not judge you and tear you apart into shreds. You've had people like that before. You need to remember those people are gone and these people are not them. You felt a hole in your heart, in your lungs. That friend took something from you and continued on.

What was worse is that you gave it so willingly each time until finally, they were greedily taking the muscle from your heart and the air from your lungs. Remember that that friend is not what a true friend is supposed to be. You will find your people, your person, and they will give you muscle and air in order to patch you up until your paper thin heart beats strong and sturdy again.

If you just stay open the right one will come along? You have heard this over and over again. It just...has not happened yet. So you have stayed open, waiting in coffee shops, libraries, and any place where a good love story could be forged. Some of those places have given you love. The love just didn't go as planned. It felt dewy like sunlight at first until... it felt more like something was melting copper in your mouth. Maybe you ended it or maybe they did. Regardless you felt broken by it.

Your paper thin heart is actually pretty big it turns out, especially when it breaks. It's sad to find this out and that big heart of yours swells in the sadness. The sadnesses slow ebb eventually ends as it always does. There is something you can do to change this though.

Stop falling for the wrong person.

Believe it or not, but, you know when the person isn't right. That big beautiful heart knows it. You just keep trying to make them the right person or sculpt yourself into the right person for them. You think that if you change enough you can make it work. You can make them happy and if they're happy you will be too...right?

Wrong, it never turns out that way and it never will.

You have to stop conforming and only caring about the other person's happiness. They have flaws and you don't need to always love them regardless. You can think about yourself and if they can't allow that...then you can't change in order to be with them. You should never change to be with someone. You can change with someone and that's natural too but its different than changing in order to be with that someone.

Don't change. Don't change. Don't change. Don't let them steal your big heart and twist it in their hand. Be bold with that big heart. Be bold and be alone until you find the one that doesn't have to twist and squeeze in order to hold your heart. They will come. Don't cozy up with just anyone because of its cold.

Wait. It is okay to be alone. It just means you'll have more love to give when love arrives.

In short, you may feel like your heart gets so spread out and thinly slices, but it's so very big. It is literally beating with love. Each badum badum a slow swelling cello to how boldly you love. But you can't love everyone. You can't keep changing and twisting for others because eventually, you will snap.

You will recover but your hearts song will never be the same. Don't let the world change your hearts song. Instead, stop giving all of yourself to the wrong people. Stop falling in love with those who take and never give. Fall in love at your pace, give when you can, and most importantly stay open because the best things in life happen that way.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Being The Last Friend To Turn 21 Isn't ALL Bad

All your friends have turned 21, but that is okay

Cassidy
Cassidy
1108
views

You may think being the last one out of your friend group to turn twenty-one is the worst thing in the world, but in all honesty, it doesn't have to be. One of the biggest perks is that everyone of your friends can go out to the bars with you on your birthday. All the people who turn twenty-one first have to wait for people to be able to go out with them, but you get to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends.

Another huge reason you should feel okay with being last to turn twenty-one is thinking about all the money you are saving. The bars are expensive. When you don't go to the bars you are saving so much money because an average bar drink is about seven dollars. This being said seven dollars multiple times a night, multiple nights a week really adds up, so you are going to have to budget your money better.

You don't have to be the one to buy alcohol for everyone else. Having a ton of people ask you to buy them alcohol must get annoying at a point, and if you're the youngest out of your friends, no one will be asking you to do liquor store runs for them because they can all go already for themselves.

The biggest reason is that you can enjoy being young. You should still continue to enjoy going to house parties and just being able to hang out with friends without having to go to the bars. Spend these months before you turn twenty-one just being able to enjoy life without feeling obligated to go out to the bars all the time. You have a great excuse when you don't want to drink on a weekday to just stay in. This being said it will be your turn to turn twenty-one soon.

Cassidy
Cassidy

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