To The Girl Who Keeps Loving The Wrong People

To The Girl Who Keeps Loving The Wrong People

A letter to any girl who loves way too deeply...it needs to stop.

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Dear you,

You have the appearance of an abundant heart. People believe that your heart is large, strong and sturdy.

They often say, "you have such a big heart," never actually realizing how paper thin it actually is. It used to be large. It used to be strong. You don't really remember what made it so thin and fragile all you know is that this is how you live now.

However thin your heart is you continue to spread yourself even thinner for those you love. Your friends, your family, and yes even that past special someone. You spread yourself thinner and thinner until finally, the page rips.

Sometimes friends leave you. Sometimes they come back only just to leave you again. Some of them take from you and never realize they are taking. Friends can be shallow. Sometimes you need to be too. Sometimes you need to just say no.

A real friend hears you. A real friend has a heart just like yours. A true friend is someone who sticks with you longer than you thought they would. You will find those people. The key to keeping them is honesty, loyalty, and that paper thin heart. You spread yourself out as much as you want and they do the same.

These people will not judge you and tear you apart into shreds. You've had people like that before. You need to remember those people are gone and these people are not them. You felt a hole in your heart, in your lungs. That friend took something from you and continued on.

What was worse is that you gave it so willingly each time until finally, they were greedily taking the muscle from your heart and the air from your lungs. Remember that that friend is not what a true friend is supposed to be. You will find your people, your person, and they will give you muscle and air in order to patch you up until your paper thin heart beats strong and sturdy again.

If you just stay open the right one will come along? You have heard this over and over again. It just...has not happened yet. So you have stayed open, waiting in coffee shops, libraries, and any place where a good love story could be forged. Some of those places have given you love. The love just didn't go as planned. It felt dewy like sunlight at first until... it felt more like something was melting copper in your mouth. Maybe you ended it or maybe they did. Regardless you felt broken by it.

Your paper thin heart is actually pretty big it turns out, especially when it breaks. It's sad to find this out and that big heart of yours swells in the sadness. The sadnesses slow ebb eventually ends as it always does. There is something you can do to change this though.

Stop falling for the wrong person.

Believe it or not, but, you know when the person isn't right. That big beautiful heart knows it. You just keep trying to make them the right person or sculpt yourself into the right person for them. You think that if you change enough you can make it work. You can make them happy and if they're happy you will be too...right?

Wrong, it never turns out that way and it never will.

You have to stop conforming and only caring about the other person's happiness. They have flaws and you don't need to always love them regardless. You can think about yourself and if they can't allow that...then you can't change in order to be with them. You should never change to be with someone. You can change with someone and that's natural too but its different than changing in order to be with that someone.

Don't change. Don't change. Don't change. Don't let them steal your big heart and twist it in their hand. Be bold with that big heart. Be bold and be alone until you find the one that doesn't have to twist and squeeze in order to hold your heart. They will come. Don't cozy up with just anyone because of its cold.

Wait. It is okay to be alone. It just means you'll have more love to give when love arrives.

In short, you may feel like your heart gets so spread out and thinly slices, but it's so very big. It is literally beating with love. Each badum badum a slow swelling cello to how boldly you love. But you can't love everyone. You can't keep changing and twisting for others because eventually, you will snap.

You will recover but your hearts song will never be the same. Don't let the world change your hearts song. Instead, stop giving all of yourself to the wrong people. Stop falling in love with those who take and never give. Fall in love at your pace, give when you can, and most importantly stay open because the best things in life happen that way.

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An Open Letter to the Best Friend I Didn't See Coming

Some people come into your life and change you forever—thanks, bestie.
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Dear best friend,

I wasn't expecting you when God placed you in my life. I had my friends. I had my people. I wasn't exactly open to the idea of new meaningful friendships because I had the ones I needed, and it didn't seem like I really needed anybody new.

Thank God that was false. Sometimes you meet people and you just know that you're going to be good friends with. Sometimes you meet people and you realize that there is no such thing as chance. I think God has a funny way of making it seem as if the things that happen to us are by chance, but honestly, that’s a load of crap. If the biggest moments of our lives were left up to chance, then I believe that would make God out to seem as if he didn’t care. It would make it seem as if He was truly abandoning me and making me face some of my most important seasons fully isolated. But you, best friend, are a true testament to the fact that God doesn’t just leave such important aspects up to chance. Thank you for taking a chance on our friendship, and thank you for allowing me to take a chance on what I didn’t realize would be the most impactful friendship in my entire life.

Thank you for being real with me. Thank you for not sugar coating things. Thank you for telling me when I have a bad attitude. Thank you for loving me through my mistakes. Thank you for supporting me in my decisions, even if it isn’t always the decision you would make. Thank you for wanting the best for me, and for making that your true intent behind the words that you say to me, whether they be constructive criticism or encouragement.

Thank you for being a goof with me. Thank you for putting me first. Thank you for seeing the importance of our friendship. Thank you for making time in your schedule for us to just sit and do homework, eat Mexican food, or sit on the porch and listen to music that emotionally wrecks you.

You’re one of a kind. You’re a shoulder to lean on. You’re a safe place. You’re a free spirit. You’re rough and tough, but your heart melts for the people you love and it’s obvious. You’re more than meets the eye. You are worth getting to know. You are worth loving. You pursue people. You are passionate about your future. You are everything that a person needs, and I really thank God that for some reason you continue to choose to be in my life. Thank you for literally dragging me up my mountains of fear when I want to stay exactly where I am at and wallow in the sadness. You bring joy—true joy—wherever you go. You are my best friend, confidant, and biggest fan. You will be the Maid of Honor, Godmother, and fun Aunt.

I used to think lifelong friendships weren’t really a thing. It just seemed like people always grew apart and forever was never a point that was attainable. Best friends forever is a cliché phrase that is continuously overused nowadays (sometimes, I even used to make light of it), but thanks for making that a reality. You are truly the best friend I could have asked for. So thank you for it all. You make life more fun, and I couldn’t thank God more for making an incredible human, friends with me.

I love you, pal!

JQ

Cover Image Credit: Julia Dee Qualls

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Stop Assuming Your Queer Friends Are Going To End Up Falling For You

News flash: if you're my friend, the chances of me falling for you are slim to none.

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Ever since I came out my senior year, I've encountered bumps of my friendships due to my sexuality. I think people understand gay, lesbian, and bisexual identities rather well. However, there are other members of the LGBTQ+ community that isn't as understood as well.

I identify as pansexual but start using the term queer. Essentially, I don't have a preference if someone identifies as female or male. When it comes to love and relationships, I care about the quality of the person and if I'm getting the love and respect I deserve.

However, to some of my friends, they seemed to become afraid. They distanced themselves in our friendships in fear I would end up falling for them.

News flash: if you're my friend, the chances of me falling for you are slim to none. You are my friend for a reason. If I liked you, I would honestly be too nervous to talk to you.

It's nice to know to have that kind of self-confidence where you think everyone has a crush on you. That's the attitude to have because you are a pretty great person. However, sorry to break it to you, but you just are not my type.

There is absolutely no reason to cut off a friendship just because you don't understand. Your queer friends would probably like you to ask questions. It can be a sign you care about them and showing support. There is nothing wrong with asking questions either. When you're in class and you don't know anything, then you ask a question. When you are getting to know someone, you ask questions. Even if you knew this person for a while, ask away!

I think there is a stigma of not knowing something and feeling embarrassed. However, it shouldn't be this way. We should embrace the unknown, learn, and grow from it. It's 2019. It's all about being open-minded to differences. We have to do better for the next generation.

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