Dear Beautiful,
First thing's first: relationships can damage you--mentally, physically, and certainly emotionally. This goes for any relationship, intimate or otherwise. As someone who has never been in a relationship, I've still experienced my fair share of heartbreak, some caused by the friends who were in my life for a season and some caused by boys who were not worth my time to begin with. During my mourning time, I tell myself in each case that it does get better and that when one chapter ends, another one begins.
Unfortunately, it takes more than 24 hours to pick myself up and I continue to go through my day crying at random times, experiencing a loss in appetite, possessing a lack of motivation to do things that I need or would usually want to do... let's just say it isn't a pretty scenario. Eventually, through many pep talks from my mom and close friends, I begin to rediscover my worth and happiness. As they say, there are many more fish in the sea. Just because this one didn't realize your value, entertained you out of the water for a moment and then went back on his/her promises, doesn't mean that it is the end of any successful relationship.
A few weeks ago, when I was going through a mourning period, I watched the "International Woman's Day" Snapchat story and heard what I needed to hear the most in that moment. Hari Nef, IMG Worldwide's first-ever transgender model, came across my screen with a short message for women everywhere. She said, "You are enough. You don't need anything else." Automatically, I broke down, because it was something that I knew was true, but still hadn't accepted.
As a sensitive woman, I expect way too much from my general relationships (friendships and guys). At some point, I begin to rely on that individual to bring happiness into my life, not realizing that it is something that I am fully capable of on my own. If I am capable of it, so are you.
Let's put aside the belief that you can never truly love or be loved without first learning to love yourself. There are times that people come into your life and teach you the true meaning of love by loving you, and that is how you learn to love yourself. In all seriousness though, it is extremely important to learn how to stand on your own, and the first step is recognizing your value. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past; you are worthy and you have value.
In the simplest of terms, life has its ups and downs -- it truly is a roller coaster ride. With that being said, keep in mind that any time you are experiencing a low moment, there is a moment where you will feel on top of the world right around the corner. In order to get to that moment, you must look deep within and recognize the qualities and traits that you possess that make you special and a person of value. There is only one you. Even if someone tried to be just like you in personality, they wouldn't be capable of measuring up.
I now understand why hardships in life are necessary. Every person that comes into your life, whether it was a positive or negative experience, entered it to make you the wonderful individual that you will become. All of the crappy relationships are meant to make you stronger, realize that sometimes it isn't them but actually is you (self-assessing is important and valuable), and makes you a better person in the long run.
Remember how cliche it used to sound to hear a person say that they are attempting to "find my true self?" Well, in reality it is something that must happen for each and every person to love themselves and recognize how important they are. When you lose yourself due to a relationship (keep in mind, not exactly intimate), you become so dependent on that person or group of people, which is really dangerous. In the case that they leave your life for whatever reason, you experience a heartbreak that feels impossible to mend. However, if you remain true to yourself throughout that relationship, once that person or group of people begin to distance themselves or exit your life completely, you're still able to stand on your own because you still know who you are.
Life is not always fair and there will be people that come into your life who may seem permanent in the beginning and turn out not to be. Yes, it hurts. But it simply means that they were not meant to be in your life and that they did not deserve to learn or enjoy the beauty and uniqueness that is known as you. So yes, go and love yourself. Not because you're vain, but because you deserve to and it is crucial for your happiness.
