I know you. You started college just like everyone else, nervous – but mostly excited for what everyone told you would be “the best four years of your life!” You were skeptical, but took the leap anyways and moved hours away from your family and maybe the friends you’ve had your whole life.
At first, everyone was in the same boat. Every anxious, chattering, freshman was just trying to strike up small talk. You answered where you were from and your major about 600 times just on the day you moved into your dorm. It wasn’t fun, but it was okay, because everyone felt the same way you did. You were all eager to make friends.
It seemed like, before you knew it, everything changed. A few days went by, and yeah, you had some acquaintances you could sit with at meals, but it seemed like most of the freshmen had found their place. How did they all become best friends so quickly? Why hadn’t you been able to do that? Was it something you said?
You might have walked to your dorm room, defeated and alone. Ready to give up this whole college thing after just a few weeks. Or maybe it’s even been a few months and you’re still having trouble connecting with friends.
I came to a college where a few of my high school friends were also attending. That helped me not eat meals alone, but I struggled when I saw people around me making seemingly lifelong friends while I could barely have a non-awkward conversation about a popular TV show with a stranger. I came from a life back home where I had like, 10, best friends, all of whom were constantly at my house and part of my everyday life. I didn’t remember it being this hard to make friends with them. I wanted to give up.
But as I sit here, sharing these words with you, I am getting ready to graduate college in just a few months (AH!) and I am confident that I will take my college best friends with me past college. I made those lifelong friends at school. Here are a few ideas that might help you get those friendships off the ground!
- Be a friend. You have to be proactive instead of sitting around, feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have any friends. Make an effort, reach out to people. If you and a potential friend have hilarious conversations in biology lab every day, ask her to grab coffee sometime! It might take you stepping out for those friendships to begin.
- Look in unexpected places. All of your friends in high school may all have come from your sports team or drama club, but anything goes in college. Stereotypes aren’t really a thing, so don’t be afraid to befriend someone who might not be just like you!
- Get involved on campus. It’s going to sound crazy, but I have built the most solid and lasting friendships with people I worked with on Student Life Staff. Like I mentioned above, you may not be like someone to become friends with them, but having a common goal – like working together – helps build a bond. Join a team, a committee, just get involved!
- Pray. I never thought friends were of much concern to the Lord until I was in my first year of college. I didn’t look lonely on the surface, but I was so desperate for the deep friendships I had built before college. I didn’t pray about friends. I didn’t think God wanted to hear about something so trivial, but then I remembered that the Creator who knows each hair on my head surely cares about my lonely heart. I prayed that God would give me friends, real friends. I prayed for relationships where we could encourage each other towards Christ. Seek Christ with an earnest spirit, and know that He cares about the things that burden us.
The Lord gave the gift of friendship to me, but it wasn’t who I expected or in the timing I wanted. I learned to rely on Christ to supply my needs through this time. I would say that I didn’t have the best friends I wanted until my second year of college. I say this not to dishearten you, but to encourage you – that if I had to wait even longer for my sweet friends, I’d do it all over again if I knew they were the people I would get to call my friends.
Choose them wisely, because these people are like your family now. I don’t know if college really is the best four years of your life, but I know that my life is a whole lot brighter because of the friends I have. Good luck!
