I get it. He's a great guy, like really really great. Yeah, he's good looking and funny and smart, but he's also really sincere and caring. He has that way of making you feel special and cheering you up when you're feeling down. I understand why you're into him, because when we first started talking, I was into him for the same reasons, but with all due respect, you barely know the guy.

So let me tell you more about him. I mean, he's by no means, and I mean no means whatsoever, an angel. He's stubborn and easily forgets things that you ask him to remember. He's done some shady things in the past -- things that would make many girls go running to the hills. It takes him forever to call you back when he says he will. He's more committed to making it to the gym on time than he is to calling you on your birthday on time. Yeah, he's definitely pretty sh*tty sometimes. I should know, we've been doing this on and off thing for almost a year. But obviously I ain't complaining too much because I'm still happily here.

I empathize with you because I know how easy it is to feel all types of way about him, but you fell in love with the idea of him. You liked that he worked out frequently and enjoyed reading. You liked how his vocabulary was as big as his biceps. You liked that when he kissed you, it felt like he was kissing you for the first time every time. You like how when he wrapped you in his arm you felt safe and warm. You liked that he was one of those guys that still believed in phone calls. But everything you like about him is surface level because you fell in love with him during a four day visit to the West Coast with his sister. When we got back together, he was still friendly with you, and sure he still cares about you as a human being, but at the end of the day the energy and time you had hoped he would spend on you, he's chosen to spend on me.

For some reason he and I ended up back together, and I know you probably hate me for that. I don't blame you; if I was in your shoes, I would probably hate me too. But the problem with you hating me for dating the guy you think you're in love with is that you're doing more damage to you than you are to me. While I'm over here falling asleep on the phone with him every night, you're over there scrolling through my Instagram account wondering what I have that you don't. You're trying to find ways to belittle me in some shape, way or form in attempts to make yourself feel better. You're texting him trying to stir up nonsense when he's genuinely attempting to be a nice person and friend to you. What I'm trying to tell you is that you are worth more than being that girl who obsesses over the girl that the guy she likes is dating. I may not know you very well, but you seem like an interesting, funny, really cool girl, which is why I don't understand why you are choosing to focus so much of your time worrying about what I'm I'm doing when you could be continuing to do great things.

The problem here is that as women we are all guilty of comparing ourselves to one another. We attempt to compete with each other over who's prettier, who's smarter, who's funnier, who's cooler, but what we compete about the most for is who the guy likes. In doing so we are devaluing ourselves to the worth guys give us, which is complete bullsh*t. Just because the guy you like likes another girl doesn't mean you're not great, and on the opposite spectrum it doesn't mean that it's okay to think that girl's an awful b*tch. You're both great in distinct ways, and your value is intrinsic regardless of who's dating the guy. As for the guy, well maybe you're chocolate and he prefers vanilla, but there's nothing wrong with you being chocolate because chocolate is pretty damn good. However, instead of saying that vanilla is a crappy flavor and trying to figure out why this guy prefers it, focus on why being chocolate is so great and love yourself for it. When the time is right, a guy who likes chocolate will step into the picture.

You and me are not in a competition for this guy's attention. Admittedly there may have been a time where I felt that way, but then I realized that that mentality was a corrosive waste of time. My relationship became immensely stronger when I accepted that it matters more for me to love myself than for him to love me. Today, him and I are going strong; tomorrow, who knows? But at the end of the day at least I can say I'm happy with the person I am. I say all of these things not because I dislike you nor because I feel threatened by you, but because your attempts to sabotage my relationship stem from the fact that you're hurt right now, and as a firm believer in the strength of women and the power of solidarity, I hope that through this letter I can encourage help you realize that you are great with or without the guy, and that applies to women everywhere in the same position as you. Girls compete with one another; women empower each other.

Sincerely,

A feminist, a sister, a friend