I just want to thank you for walking away. You left me with a lot of questions running through my head. You left me wondering if I could even move on. You left me… waiting for answers that may never come. Sadly, I had to accept that.
The Good and The Bad
We could be so great together. We could also be the worst thing for each other. We had a lot to conquer as friends. We thought we could do everything and anything together. We always promised to be there for each other. We always promised to be friends forever. Most days we looked like we could make it that far. Others were bad enough to show that maybe it would never happen. We could be the best of friends one day and the next we would be enemies. We were too toxic for each other. I know that now.
Mentally and Emotionally
Both of us had a lot going on in our lives. You had your family problems and I had mine. I think we both were dealing with a lot mentally and emotionally. We had so much built up inside that we just didn’t want to tell each other. We had so much built up that we didn’t know what to say. I think we didn’t know how to talk about our problems to another person. I think we didn’t know how to speak up for ourselves. I think we didn’t know how to deal with it all. We were young. We were not adults yet. We were scared of the future. We just weren’t ready for responsibility.
We had differences that tore us apart. You changed your personality multiple times. I was the same person for the longest. I felt lost with my own self because I didn’t know who to be. You changed constantly. You changed friends a lot too. That’s when I knew I was become less of a friend to you. We had a lot in common and we had a lot of differences. I had become someone you didn’t need anymore. And that’s okay now.
When you told me that you were going to be moving, I fell apart on the inside. You were my best friend for the longest time. I didn’t really have anyone else at the time. I was scared of being alone. You were moving so far away. When it got closer to you leaving, the less we talked. When you left, I was not someone you told goodbye to. You left and I was alone. I was back to square one. It hurt but that’s okay.
After a while of you being gone, I had to accept the fact that you were gone. It took a lot of time to get used to. I didn’t see your face. I didn’t text you. I didn’t have anyone to run to. At the same time, I knew this was for the best. This was what had to be done. This was good for you. This was good for me. I just had to cope and accept that.
What You Taught Me
You taught me something about friendship. You taught me that not all friendships can be promised a forever. We barely talk and that’s okay. I still think about you. I still miss you. I still think about all the good times we had. You taught me that being apart is probably better for us than it is being together.
You taught me that being dependent is not a good thing. I was so dependent on others when I was younger. I just didn’t know how to say no. I would follow you around because I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be your friend for a long time. I was young and I believed that friendship was forever. I am a dreamer and want to believe everything happens for a reason. So I had to grow up.
You taught me about myself. You taught me how to accept myself as I was. I figured out that I was dependent, young, and a dreamer. I depended on a lot of people, not just you. I needed to be independent. I needed to do things for myself. I needed to be my own knight and shining armor. I was young and reckless. When you hit rock bottom, I hit rock bottom with you. We were young and had a lot that was left unspoken. We were reckless and did things that weren’t always good. But that is part of growing up. I am a dreamer. I wanted our friendship to work. I believed in a lot and one of them was us. I wanted to believe that everything we did would last forever. Who knew forever would die.
You taught me about letting go. I have never been the person who is good with letting go. I hate letting go. But when you left, I didn’t have a choice. I had to make it on my own. I had to grow up and just move along. You made me happy when you were my friend. Now that you are not here, I had to be happy on my own. I was so mad at you for leaving. You know how I am about holding grudges. This was one that I couldn’t keep holding on to. It wasn’t fair to you or to me. I never would have made it this far without you. Thank you for teaching me to let go.
I will never regret our friendship. I will never forget you. You were a huge part of my life and I’m grateful for that. You have made a change in my life. When you left, things got better for you. You got exactly what you wanted. I may not keep in touch as much, but you seem really happy. When you left, things got better for me too. When we look back on it, all the good comes after the bad. We had some hard times, but that makes us stronger.
I wish you the best. I wish you love and I wish you luck. I wanted you to be happy. And if happy is where you are, then I am happy for you. Even if that means me not being your best friend, then I’m happy for you. I hope you achieve everything you want to do in life. I will still invite you to my wedding and any other milestone I hit.
You will always be my friend. I will always love you. Thank you for teaching me all of these things. I have made some friends that will be there forever. I hope you made some too. But just know that the pinky promise we made, it will never be broken for as long as I live.
Your old friend.