From a young age, girls are taught and are witness to life's greatest pleasure, which is love. They are taught to cherish and value it because when you find it with the right guy, it's priceless. However, we're also warned about the awful heartbreak that sometimes comes with love.
We're taught that it's OK to be hurt temporarily, but to move on and to become a better person from the heartbreak that you went through. We're taught that no guy is ever worth the heartbreak. Growing up, though, you never in a million years expect that first heartbreak to come from your father.
Dad,
I used to be sorry.
Sorry that I wasn't good enough for you to stick around, to love me and to watch me grow. I used to cry: cry when I missed you and cry when I wanted you. I used to never believe in myself because how could I after one of the most important people who was supposed to love and support me unconditionally just got up and left?
Most of all, I used to be angry. Angry at myself for the toll that I let you take on my life. For letting you slow me down from moving on and becoming a happier and healthier me. Angry at you for your choices and dedication to making my life hell.
To be completely honest, years and years later, I still don't understand. I don't understand what happened, why you made the choices that you did, but most of all, I don't understand you. The help and guidance of a selfless and dedicated mother made me able to move on. I'm sure my mom will never understand how thankful I am for her; there's not enough in the universe for me to prove my love for her, but she is the true reason I am who I am today, and where I am today.
So, no thanks to you dad. I am happy today.
I'm still sorry, but for different reasons. Sorry for you making terrible decisions, sorry that you missed out on my wonderful life and all of my accomplishments through the years. Sorry that you won't be able to watch me move on and someday walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I'm sorry because you are truly missing out on something special.
So Dad, thank you for the heartbreak that you put me through; for allowing me to realize that I don't need you and you don't deserve me.
