To the father who walked away,
For years, I didn't understand. I had built this idea in my head that if only one day I could ask you all my questions, then everything would make sense. As if simply asking "why" would solve my confusion. Why didn't you want to watch me grow up? Why didn't you want to be there for me? Why were you so okay with forgetting me?
To my surprise, when that day came, and I did ask you my questions, my confusion only grew. The answers that I longed for registered as nothing more than cowardly excuses. I tried to think like you because, trust me, I wanted so badly to comprehend how a dad could walk away from his only child. However, I decided I'll never understand.
On an episode of "Dateline," it features a dad whose daughter got kidnapped while she was still an infant, and taken across seas. This dad had absolutely no clue where on Earth his baby was, but he never stopped looking. He was in contact with many FBI agents, was on many television shows, and spent countless hours writing letters to her even though she may never have seen them. Twenty years later, he finally found out that she was in Australia and immediately flew to meet her. It turned out that she was not ready to meet him yet, so he flew back to America waiting patiently for her to come to his doorstep. And eventually, she did.
You knew where I was the entire time. You had visitation, phone numbers, addresses, and yet you remained a mystery. Yes, for awhile you did call to speak to me. But tell me, why all of a sudden it just stopped?
Please don't misunderstand my words, however. I do not feel bad for me, I feel bad for you.
I have an amazing mother, and a dad who stepped in to watch me grow up; A dad who taught me how to ride a bike; A dad who sat through hours of dance competitions only to watch me on stage for two minutes; A dad who was there when I got on the honor roll, graduated high school, and got accepted into college; A dad who was there the first time I fell in love and the first time I got my heart broken; A dad who has seen me laugh, and a dad who has seen me cry. I haven't missed out on anything while you missed out on everything.
You see, even though you walked away, I will always have a dad. But I am sorry to inform you that you will never have a daughter.
