I'm still here, but some days it doesn't feel like it. My mind is no where to be found some moments, and others it's only on you. I wonder where you are and what you're doing. I wonder why I wasn't enough. Some days are so much harder than others.

If I could tell you one more thing, it would be that I still love you. I hope you become clean one day, maybe soon. Not for me, or anyone else, but for you. I often lay awake at night wondering if that's the night I'll get the call. The one saying you didn't make it. The one that will ruin me forever. It's hard enough knowing that I have a dad out there and can't see him. But it would be even harder knowing I could never see him again.

I wish the best for you day in and day out. Not a day goes by that you aren't on my mind. Here recently, there hasn’t been a day that tears haven't fallen down my face at the thought of you. As I sit here typing this in hopes you'll read it, I can't help but wonder if you'll even get the chance. Will you be here tomorrow? I know life is hard and everyone makes bad choices. I hope you don't consider leaving me one of those choices.

I know you aren't the drugs that are taking you away. I know you are greater than this. I hope one day you grow past this. But until that day comes, you will continue to miss all the places I go in life. You've missed so much already. I know this isn't my fault, but I'll still always blame myself. Maybe I wasn't a good enough daughter. Maybe I didn't appreciate you enough. I know you love me and I know you aren't yourself right now. It will all end one day. And that's the scariest part of it all. When it ends, does that mean the drugs will end, or your life will end?

My heart aches more and more each day that you aren't here. My anxiety builds while my mind races at the thought of you. I often wonder how you could do this to me. All this built up anger for all the wrongs you ever did to me. All the times I laid in bed with a pillow over my head trying to block out your screaming. All the times I couldn't get you to wake up. All the days you were gone and you wouldn't answer your phone. All the days you made me fear for my life. I hold this anger inside, but I still love you. All those memories just replay in my head. They never stop for long enough.

Good days too often turn bad with just one thought. So many things and places remind me of you. I don't remember the good days, the ones from when I was little. This all started when I was too young. I don't remember who you truly are. All I know is what I have been told. I would give anything to see who that man would be today. Some days I want to drive straight to you and forgive you. Most days I know I can't do that.

In the end, I'll always wish you well. I'll always love you and I'll never stop.