To the eyes following my ass as I walk around this convenient store,
While my looks may be convenient for you, the way you're looking at my body is far from convenient for me. You see, now instead of living my day peacefully with a clear and calm head, I am going to have an anxiety attack. It's going to affect me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am going to have to take time out of my day to recollect myself before moving on; to calm myself down and make sure I can keep myself together. And while you think nothing of it, this instant is going to stick with me. Maybe not forever, but any time length still isn't okay.
You see, you don't know this just looking at me, but I am the victim of sexual assault. It's not something I share with everyone. I don't have it tattooed on my forehead and I don't try to bring attention to myself or this unfortunate fact of my life, but it's something I have to deal with internally every single day. And what you don't realize, and what probably won't matter to you, is that you are contributing to the daily pain and struggle I have. You are prohibiting me from moving forward from my pain. All because you, selfishly, just want to intimately, vocally, and publicly view my body.
As a man, you probably understand this less or maybe not even at all, but being checked out isn't exactly flattering. It's one thing to be intimately looked at by someone you're actually intimate with. But rarely, is that the case. Most of the time it's degrading or strikes insecurity and anxiety through a woman's body. Especially, sir, when it's as obvious as you were. You yanked your head around and physically followed me with your body and eyes as I moved around the small store. I tried not to let you know that I noticed, but then you started talking.
Being cat-called is the worst. Pick up lines, even in their best setting, are really never all that great or flattering and unless for comic relief, no one ever enjoys them. Whether or not I respond doesn't even matter to you though, because you're just going to continuing talking at me and about me, whether or not you have any intentions with me. And it's all worse if you do.
But let's set aside the fact that I have a dark past for a second. Let's pretend I'm "normal" and I've never been negatively affected by the cruel and selfish intentions of another man before. Still, what makes you think you have the right to look at me like this? To follow me around this store when I'm just trying to successfully live a productive Tuesday? What makes you think that talking to me, a woman, anyone this way is acceptable or appreciated? How successful are you on a normal basis? Is it me? Is it any woman? What could I say or do to make you stop?
I shouldn't have to carry around pepper spray in my purse to feel safe. I shouldn't have to contemplate whether it's better for my safety to ignore of respond. I shouldn't have to think about it and I shouldn't have to write this letter. There are just things women shouldn't have to worry about every day and being looked at or talked to sexually is one of those things.
To the eyes following my ass around the convenient store, I just want you to know that my ass doesn't appreciate your looks and neither does my brain that I exercise religiously. My heart isn't passionate about our interaction and my self esteem is over it. Whether it's me or any other woman, you need to educate yourself on some manners. Contact your brain, shut your mouth, and keep to yourself. Live your life in your own bubble. Appreciate the beauty of others but don't pop their bubbles just to make yours seem bigger. To the eyes following my ass around the convenient store, stop.
