My whole high school career I worked tirelessly on and off the soccer field to one day fulfill my dreams of playing Division 1 or Division 2. I finally received an offer from a Division 2 school. When I visited I immediately knew that this is where I wanted to spend the next four year of my life.
Fast forward, I'm attending my first pre-season as a college athlete coming back from a tough knee injury that had me sidelined for 10 months. The energy the team had made me feel like I had known them all my life, and I was so grateful that I had the opportunity to play with all these girls. I made some of the best-friends that I have ever had in a quick few weeks. The season starts and I'm not getting much playing time, but I was okay with that. I knew that I needed to work harder, I needed to do more to be able to compete at this level. Eventually I worked my way up to my first collegiate start, and man was I overwhelmed with joy. I called my mom to tell her and she was in tears when I got off the phone with her.
Fast forward again to the spring season. Things aren't as great as they were in the fall. I've been noticing that I just out of it. I figure its just all the early morning workouts and the long class days. A couple weeks go by and I see that I am in a complete slump. I dread doing anything, I have no ambition to go to class, I don't even want to play soccer at this point, the one thing that always kept me afloat. Thankfully, I met my now girlfriend and she pointed out that I just seem down. Not until then did I realized that I was presenting all the symptoms that I used to have when I was younger and was diagnosed with depression. I started to really pay attention to all my feelings. I was angry all the time, I would cry at random, I would sit in my room all alone while everyone else was out doing fun things that I would usually partake in. I wasn't the same happy bubbly girl that I always was. I thought the best thing I could do was to go back and see a therapist. I talked to on of the trainers at my school and she pointed me in the right direction. I quickly started seeing a therapist, talking to er about everything I was feeling. Things were a lot worse than I thought they were. I was having suicidal thoughts, I hated everything about myself, I didnt deserve love, I wanted to be around anyone. One night the thoughts got the best of me, and I saw no end in feeling like this. I just wanted to feel like myself again. I want to be an athlete again.
