At a young age, some of our most vivid memories are of our siblings. For me, they were of my brother, more than I have of my sister and I. I remember our memories of us just like it was yesterday. Now, almost seven years without him here on this earth, there hasn't been a day that went by without him on my mind.
To my brother who left this Earth too soon:
I often wonder who you would be, who you would have become, and if I make you proud. The day I lost you, my heart sank into the bottom of my stomach, just like a boulder that gets thrown into the lake. The days leading up to the final goodbye are mostly a blur to me, except one thing. The look on our fathers face. He looked as if he was looking straight into the face of a ghost. Our dad was standing there, so shaken up, not knowing what to do as his baby boy's remains were in the urn in front of his face. The events that happened in the two years prior to your death seemed to replay in his head. Just shy of two years prior to burying his child, he buried his wife of twenty years. This was now taking a toll on him. Over the days leading up to your funeral, I kept hearing him say “ no parent should have to bury their child." That is exactly true, but no child should have to bury their sibling. Even after all the years that have passed, I often find myself reminiscing on old family photos. Your smile lit up the room, and your personality made family functions so much better. Over the years, the “what if's" really got to us, and sometimes still do to this day. As I got into adulthood, I wonder what it would have been like to see you as a uncle to my future children, and what it would of been like to see you be a brother in law to my future husband. Always know, even after all these years without you here, you're still my number one guy! I love and miss you dearl, and I can't wait to see your face as I walk through the gates of Heaven.
To everyone else who's lost their brother:
I'm not going to sugar coat anything, it's straight hell walking the Earth without your brother here. But just know, you could not of prevented his death, don't think you could of. Thinking the “what if" consumed my life for the longest time, and caused me to rob myself of my sanity. Learning to live without him here, is not forgetting about him. Everyday you will think about him, as I do my my brother. Emotions come in waves, you are going to have both good and bad days. Just remember, you’re not alone! He is guiding you, and always by your side.
