I've had my heart broken and I can truthfully tell everyone, I resorted to a random guy and partying to help mend it. It's like putting a band-aid on an open wound. It'll temporarily stop the bleeding, but soon enough it'll get infected and you'll feel the pain even worse.
I think we want to believe that losing our self in someone else is a coping strategy to not having someone we saw ourselves with for the long run. Like an open wound with a band aid, it is a temporary fix, but I can assure you from past experience, it ultimately never helps. It just ends up making you feel more alone. You can drown yourself in the endless bottles of booze, but the next morning you'll still wake up feeling as empty as you did before you took the first sip, causing you to do it all over again.
You'll want to start over. You'll say you're creating a new life for yourself that doesn't involve feeling sorry for what happened to your broken heart or the different changes it brought to you. You think starting over is having fun, getting drunk, partying until you can't remember how you're feeling, but that isn't starting over. It's only prolonging the inevitable; he broke you..now accept it.
I didn't give myself a chance to heal. I let my mind wander far enough away from what it once believed that in the process it was lost so many different times I started to lose hope of ever finding it again. I thought alcohol would help me find it again, or maybe deep down I knew it wouldn't. I think I believed that the drinks, different guys, and staying out late to party would make me forget I had a mind to find and heart to repair. Ultimately-no matter how hard you try, you will still feel just as empty. It's important to know that.
I can always look at someone and tell if they've recently gotten out of a serious relationship. They're desperately looking for something to compare to the comfort of what their ex was, so naturally you'd expect them to look for it in someone else. You go to parties thinking you'd fill that void there, but all you end up doing is finding someone who never had intentions on filling you with comfort, but his idea of filling you in other ways.
They use you and you're okay with that. For just a short time you feel like there is a purpose for you, and you start to not feel as alone anymore. Until the night you finally decide to stay in-sober.. and you're laying awake at 2am wondering how you ever got to this point in your life, where the pain hurts worse than it ever has, and the one person you constantly turned to, isn't there. You start to face the scary reality that this has been your life for awhile now, but you tried distracting yourself with all the wrong things, and ended up even worse.
Rip the band aid off straight from the start. Stay in. Lay in bed. Look at pictures of the two of you. Read sad quotes. Listen to sad songs. Cry. Cry really hard, and then laugh at yourself for dry heaving over a guy who doesn't deserve your tears. Write him a letter you'll never send. Tell him how he has destroyed you and you're at the lowest point in your life. Dump all of the booze and turn off your notifications from
the invites to parties or the texts from the guy who is constantly using you. Give yourself one night to feel completely alone, and watch how the nights that follow aren't as bad.
There was a time I let my wound get infected. I knew it was there, and I understood how bad it was getting within each passing day. I just thought ignoring it would lessen the pain. Maybe I'd just feel completely numb after awhile, and it would all go away. The problem with any infected area, is it never gets better without being able to breathe. It doesn't heal without care. And it surely won't go away by ignoring it. I was too naive to believe my own heart, so maybe you won't make the same mistake as me.
Take care of yourself, and understand that you deserve more than to deny the pain in you. I think it's agreed by many that the sooner you accept what's happened to you, the quicker you can move on-not to another guy, but to actually loving yourself because you deserve to be freaking loved. You do not need someone else to do it for you, and you especially don't have to question if you deserve love after someone that meant everything to you decided he wasn't going to love you either.
I was this girl before. I told myself that I'd never find love because I wasn't worthy, and in so many ways I destroyed the image I once had for myself. It took me finally accepting the inevitable, learning to love myself all over again, then falling in love with someone else-to finally feel okay again.
I hope on your strongest days you remember your weakest ones. And on your weakest ones?
-A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans-- Play on repeat, I'm telling you.
-Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream- don't even look at the calories, seriously. If you don't know, it doesn't hurt you..
-The comfiest freaking bed in the house
-Netflix (I have probably watched 89% of everything on there and fell in love with it all so I can't recommend just one thing)
-and a hug.. from your mom, dad, sibling, dog or even yourself. You deserve some love.
Those helped me on my weakest days, and maybe they'd help you too.
And remember... It's going to be okay.