You wanted to spare me the broken heart. You wanted me to move on and not get held back by you. You didn’t want to drag me through this difficult time. You didn’t want to cause me any more stress.

Well, that wasn’t your choice to make.

I loved you, with my whole heart. Sure, we had our tough times, but we got through it. Then, you stopped loving yourself. You always told me I had to love myself before I could love another person and that simply is just not true. Sometimes we need to love someone else and have them love us to see what kind of love we want for ourselves. In loving you, I found my old love for me. You helped me grow and I am forever grateful for that. You helped me regain my faith, but somewhere along the line, you lost yours. You no longer loved yourself and when we went through those tough times you couldn’t get back to that happy place where we started.

You broke it off.

You said that you didn’t want to lead me on or hold me back, but I don’t think you understood that I would have been there for you through all of this. You said you didn’t want to cause me stress, but I don’t think you understand the stress of heartbreak or the stress of knowing that someone you love is suffering and you can’t help them. I don’t think you know that I would and still would have gone through hell and back just to see you smile. That is what love is, through the good and the bad you still are there for them as much or as little as they need you. However, you said you needed time and space. I said I would give you that, but I didn’t know that meant cutting each other out entirely.

My heart wasn’t ready to give you up.

Everyone keeps telling me that I need to move on and be happy, but how can I move on when I wasn’t even ready to give up? How can I see you every day, know that you’re struggling, and just smile and wave? I know I couldn’t fix you, I know, but what if just being there when you needed someone could have helped? I just wanted to be there for you, but you wouldn’t let me and now I’m lost and confused and left with no direction. I can’t move on because I wasn’t ready and I’m still not. I know people are going to call me crazy and pathetic and whatever else comes to their minds, but I don’t care.

You’re the one I wanted, the one I still want.

I will be here when your time is up. No, not that time. I will be here when you are ready and if whenever that is you have moved on, then I will give up that faith you gave me. That faith in true love and fate. You broke up with me not for someone else, but for yourself. I respect that but don’t for a second use the excuse that you were saving me. You weren’t saving me, you decided for me that I wasn’t going to be able to be there for you while you are going through one of the toughest times of your life so far. You decided for me and I’m still not okay with that.

You wanted to save me the pain, but the world of hurt I received was much worse.