To The Boy Who Left Me And Taught Me Lessons I Needed To Learn,
Thank you for leaving me. If you didn't I never would have realized I needed to change. As much as this destroys me, I know I need to work on myself before working on this relationship. Thank you for telling me that you don't want to be with me. Thank you for telling me that I disgust you. Because of this, I am going to be a better and stronger person, and you've taught me the following lessons in the process:
1) Actions have consequences.
Being in a relationship does not mean you are controlled. At least it shouldn't. You shouldn't have to ask your significant other for permission to do things. However, that does not mean you shouldn't take his or her feelings into account. If you go out and do something that will hurt your partner, your actions will have consequences. Consequences can consist of fighting, a loss of trust, or flat out losing the person who means everything to you. Think about what you are doing before you do it. The Time Turner in Harry Potter is not real and you can not go back and change your actions, and sometimes nothing can make up for them or fix them.
2) Life is not a party.
Life is hard. Life sucks. But life is not going out and getting drunk every weekend to repress your problems. Sure it can be fun, but that isn't living. It's not healthy, and by continuing to do that I became a crappier person and couldn't see my true priorities. I love you with my entire heart but every time a party would come around, i'd be running out the door. I am sorry I dissed you for the stupidest things. You were the only person that made me happy sober. Thank you for making me realize that life is not a party and I need to be happy with myself and my life, and not turn to alcohol to do that for me. I grew up with a parent that would do that and I never thought I would follow those footsteps. I always drank with my friends, and most of the moments I thought were "fun" were because of alcohol. Thinking I needed alcohol to have fun is the worst concept to ever be in my brain. Thank you for making me realize that that is not the case. Not only did you show me that I can have fun without alcohol, but you showed me that life is so much more worth living when I am not under the influence of it. I could actually feel things with you and I felt nothing every time I went out. All I felt was the pain of the next morning when I would realize how I acted.
3) It's time to ask for help.
I would complain and complain about how I couldn't handle anything going on in my life. I would complain and do nothing about it. If anything, I made it worse. Losing you has made me realize that it is time to ask for help. It is time to face my problems head on, and it is time to change the way I think about things. I didn't want to deal with my problems or even admit I had them, but now I can finally do that and I'm proud of that. Being 18 and not having my life together isn't the worst thing, as long as I do something about it.
4) No more excuses.
Excuse: "an attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify"
That is what an excuse is. It isn't valid. It is "an attempt". There are no more excuses for anything, my actions, my feelings, or my words. I learned I need to take responsibility for everything and if I want to make changes then I need to do so. There's no more excuses for what I do when I go out and drink. There's no excuses for why I go out and drink. I just need to stop going out and drinking. There's no more excuses for not liking my appearance. I need to go to the gym and learn to love myself again. There's no more excuses for my negative thoughts. I need to seek help and change how I think and deal with things.
5) Actions speak louder than words.
You can say you're going to do something but it means absolutely nothing if you don't do it. Instead of saying you're going to do something, actually do it. If you talk the talk and don't follow through, your word means nothing. Showing someone you're going to change and get better is going to speak more than simply saying you are going to change and get better.
6) If you want something bad enough, you have to fight for it.
Everyone makes mistakes in life. After I pushed you away, you told me you'd never want to be with me again. If you want something bad enough, you don't give up on it, you fight for it. Sometimes nothing will change no matter how much effort you put into it, but if you don't put up a fight you will never know. Giving up is weak. Fighting for something shows that you are strong and you are determined.
7) I can get through this.
I have felt like i've hit rock bottom. I have felt like the world would be better off if I wasn't in it, but now that's not the case. I know people care about me. I know you still care about me. I know that I am strong. I know I will get through this. I have gone through so much already and everything in life is a lesson. I will learn from this and I will come out so much stronger and better because of it. I know I can get through this.
Thank you for leaving me. If you didn't I never would have realized I needed to change. I never would have realized that my actions affect people. I never would have realized how much I needed help. From here on out, I am going to make positive changes to myself and be a person that I can be proud of. You taught me that actions speak louder than words, and one day I hope I can show that to you. Even if I can't, thank you for teaching me these lessons that I needed to learn.
