Dear boy who gave up on me,
I have a lot to thank you for and some not. So I'll start with the good.
Even though sometimes they don't always stay, there are people out there who are willing to listen. Whether I had a bad day, or just a plain rant about something, thanks for proving there are still people out there willing to listen. Thank you for taking my mind off of the other guy I couldn't get out of my head. Thanks for being a guy who at the time seemed like, I don't always need to have my guard up, and that I can let someone into my heart.
What I won't thank you for is even though you were willing to listen, when it got too much for me and I asked for your help, you left. Those sentences you always want to believe from another person the "I'll always be here for you" or "you can talk to me about your feelings, I won't judge", those weren't true again in this case. When I needed you there to listen, you wouldn't. I won't thank you for letting me get attached to you when I didn't need to waste my time with you, and didn't have to feel the way I do now because now you're the guy I can't get out of my head. I won't thank you for letting me put my guard down just to be let down again because I couldn't be sunshine and flowers all the time. I said if you're not all in, this shouldn't go any further, but per usual, you didn't stop me.
I really hate wasting my time with people who are NEVER going to put as much effort into a relationship as I do. I don't see the point in wasting time with someone who isn't going to treat you the same. You knew that you knew I was scared and even when I'd pull away, you'd pull me back in, and you shouldn't have.
When I see you now I feel the burn of being scorched by your indecisive mind that couldn't realize what you were doing. I feel silly feeling wanting to hide or run away when I see you because I didn't do anything wrong. I won't apologize for how I felt and I won't apologize for hiding my feelings. I feel and I feel deeply and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm ashamed I let myself care for someone and feel let down again by not only you but myself. Thank you for reiterating my fear of letting someone in, and thank you for showing me at least maybe it's possible someone will one day care about me like the way you pretended to. I know I'll find love one day with someone amazing, and boy who gave up on me, it definitely won't be with you.
