I knew what was going on, I even asked you about it, naturally you denied. You wanted the best of both worlds and didn’t care who you hurt in the process.

All the signs were there from when you started turning away when texting so I couldn’t see who it was to, when you would promise we would talk on the phone that night, but left me hanging for hours without a response. I wanted to believe you when you told me that she was just a friend, but I knew in my gut that you were lying to me.

You didn’t seem like the cheating type.

You went out of your way to buy my favorite ice cream and kiss my hand while you were driving and I was in the passenger seat. You hugged me tightly like you didn’t want to let go and said how you didn’t want to be with anyone else. You joked about how many dogs we would have and where we would go on our first family vacation.

But you were telling her those things, too.

It is hard to comprehend how you can do that to a person. What goes through your mind while you’re telling one person this, yet you have another person on your mind? I’ve always wondered.

It was the hardest when the truth came out, when you finally admitted what you had been doing the whole time. You kept saying you were sorry, but we both know you were only sorry you got caught in the end. We both knew you were only sorry because the double life you had worked so hard to keep a secret was coming tumbling down.

The truth destroyed me, at least for a while. The worst part of it all is that I blamed myself. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too clingy? Was I pushing him into her arms? Your actions caused me to second-guess myself; I believed it was my fault that I wasn’t good enough for you.

But now I know you weren’t good enough for me.

I tore myself down because of what you did, believing that I would never be good enough for anyone, always second best, but you were the one who lied. You were the one who played with emotions for your own satisfaction without any concern for the person you were toying with. You are your own person and made the decisions you did, no one made them for you. What kind of person does that? How can you sleep at night knowing how much you hurt someone?

I’m still not over it, but I have moved on. Trust me when I say I know I am better off no matter how much I may have loved you then. No relationship is worth the turmoil you put me through. No boy is worth hating myself over.

I don’t hate you, not because I forgive you, but because I know that hating you will only keep your toxic presence in my life. I hope that I am not the only one who has learned something from this relationship and I truly hope that you treat the next girl you love with respect and dignity.

As for me, well, I now know exactly how I shouldn’t be treated and I will not settle for anything less. It has taken me a while to realize it, but I now know my self worth and no one can take that away from me again.