When we first met, you seemed perfect to me. Enough time went by for me to forget how much you hurt me the first time. You knew what to say to make me fall — so it was easy for you to do it again. The idea of being with my high school sweetheart seemed like a fairy tale ending. You knew how to make me happy, and since we were together for a couple years the first time, you always knew how to win fights.

You knew how to make me vulnerable. You knew exactly how to pressure me to get your way. You were my first everything. You were a living contradiction in my life. I knew we shouldn’t be together, but when I was with you, I truly believed you were the one. I would look into your brown eyes with so much love, it would go down in flames — just like the Taylor Swift song. Rounds two and three of our relationship were a ticking time grenade. I loved you.

You leaving me again for the same reason the second time (another girl) felt like getting stabbed. Finding out about it on social media again and again felt like déjá vu. Thank you for hurting me again. I know if we would have stayed together, I would be living a nightmare. We would be miserable. During our time apart, I learned to love myself. I found my true personality and independence.

The first time we broke up I felt like I was physically dying. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I cried for days. The second and third time we broke up I felt numb. The second time you hurt me prepared me for this new reality. The reality that people change, we grew up. We are not the same people we were four years ago. Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough.

You made me stronger. You helped me realize I didn’t deserve to be hurt the way you hurt me so many times. I now know better. I will not put up with anything I don’t deserve anymore. I will not let anyone control me. I know my worth. I know I am awesome and have a lot to offer to someone I love. I still believe there is someone out there for me, someone who I can truly trust. I hope you find someone who makes you happy too—just because that is the kind of person I am. I hope she is a girl who challenges you to be a better person, a girl who enjoys the same things you do, a girl who brings a smile to your face, and a girl who loves you as much as we loved each other when we were younger. A girl that brings the best out of you, and inspires you to do what you love to do. We both deserve to be happy.

So here's to all the heartfelt text messages we sent, the long phone calls, the voice mails, the trips we took together, and the excessive amounts of Taco Bell we ate. Here is to the endless laughs and smiles we shared, the tears we shed for each other, the fights we got in, and most importantly here is to breaking each other's hearts. Not because we hate each other or don’t love each other anymore, but because we knew that our time together was over.

Please don’t come knocking on my door a fourth time, because I can’t do us anymore. You came into my life and shattered my heart. I know I will get over you like all the other times. I have a great support system, family, and head on my shoulders to get me through. and know I shouldn’t be depressed over you. You did the right thing by leaving again. While you’ll always be my first, please don’t come back.

Forever your first,

Me