To The Boy I Keep Canceling On

I just needed some time for myself. I was always in a relationship and once I became single it was like a breath of fresh air.

Yes, there was a good chunk of time where I cried myself to sleep and feared I would be alone forever, but I needed that time to be by myself. So, to the boy I kept canceling on, I swear it wasn't you — it was me.

I keep myself busy. I have a detailed weekly schedule and every hour is accounted for, so when I originally met my current boyfriend I wasn't ready to start moving my schedule around because some guy started drooling over me — been there, done that.

I wanted to just do me and, hey, I got a great guy while doing so.

It took four months until I was ready to take the step and grab coffee with my boyfriend. My incredible man was persistent and kept politely asking me on a date, but I just wasn't into it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed our back-and-forth text communication, but I wasn't ready to jump into a committed relationship.

I was finally single for the first time in a long time and that's how I liked it.

It felt good to finally relish in my newfound freedom. It was comfortable and I wasn't sure if I could really open my heart up to anyone ever again. After a crumbling heartbreak, I was closed off and couldn't let myself fall in love all over again. I was happy with quick, nonchalant coffee dates and getting to know people with no strings attached. I was emotionally unavailable and satisfied with that choice.

So, when I wasn't in the mood to go on a date, it had nothing to do with the amazing man that would soon steal my heart, it was just a time for me.

It was a time I used to boost my confidence through my independence. It was a time I used to get to know what I like and don't like in men, life, love, and all the above. It was a time that had nothing to do with anyone else, but me. And, if you didn't know, self-love and self-care aren't selfish. I grew as a person, which only helps my current relationship grow stronger.

So, no, I don't regret canceling plans and using that time to better myself.

After all, it eventually led me to you.

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