To The Boy I Had To Say Goodbye To

To the boy I had to say goodbye to,

It has taken me a very long time to say goodbye. If it was up to me, I would have never said goodbye. You forced me to say goodbye and you did it in the most hurtful way. It’s one thing to say, ‘Hey, maybe we should distance ourselves from each other for a while and figure ourselves out.’ It is another thing to say ‘I know you want to repair our friendship but we can’t. I can’t let that happen’ and then delete me from your life and all social media outlets.

That was like ripping off a band-aid that was sutured to my skin. It took me many, many days to be even remotely okay with what you have done to me. It has been 49 days since you ripped me from your life. 49 days since I have talked to you. For the first 15 days, I was broken into a million pieces. I didn’t know how to function without talking to you. That is so embarrassing to admit. How could I have let myself become so dependant on someone like that? It’s ridiculous. The next 15 days I was nothing but angry at you and myself. I was angry because I never really got any explanation from you as to why you did what you did and how you did it. I was angry because I let myself get so attached to you. I was angry because you took so much from me when you left, things that I could never get back or give to anyone else. But that anger passed as well. Now these past 19 days, I have felt nothing. Nothing toward you in terms of anger or sadness. I have learned that there is nothing I can do about this situation anymore. I gave you everything I had and you took advantage of that. And then you left.

To the boy I had to say goodbye to, I didn’t know it when I was first forced to say goodbye, but I know now that it was probably one of the best decisions I have ever been pushed into. Sure it still hurts sometimes, I don’t expect to not miss the first person I have ever loved, it comes with the situation. However, I am a better person than I ever was before. I don’t do all the horrible things that I used to do all the time. I respect and love myself so much more than I ever thought I could. I am more independent than I have ever been. I used to think you were the best thing to ever happen to me, now I am seeing that I might have exaggerated a bit with that statement.

To the boy I had to say goodbye to, thank you for everything you have shown and taught me about others and about myself. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you. So thank you for that. I hope that you can find some sort of peace for yourself as well, I know how much you struggle. I only hope the best for you in your life. I also hope that you won’t forget about me and that I might be a pushing factor for you to better yourself as you were for me.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,