To The Absent Parent
Start writing a post
Relationships

To The Absent Parent

All the things I wish I could say.

166
To The Absent Parent
Pixabay

I’m twenty years old and yet I can’t remember the last time you told me you loved me.

I wish you knew how much I care when I shouldn’t. I hate the fact that you choose everything over your children. I want to say so much but I am going to refrain from the most of it because no matter what you are still my parent.

I try not to live my life with regrets but it is hard when I see Instagram pictures of kids with certain parents and I know we will never have that relationship. Certain holidays are hard because you have ruined it.

Driving me away started when I was young. It was always complicated. Computer games and TV shows were the start of all. Then came the fighting and the screaming that continued shortly after.

When I was growing up, I thought maybe it would get better. I would trust you for a bit. It would go great. I would be like, “Oh things are finally getting better.” Then it would be something. Something normally huge that would stab me in the back and then we were back at square one.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I know I messed up.”

Words I hear on a regular basis that every single time I fall for it.

I hope and pray that things are going to change. I know for a fact that they aren’t going to change. You are never going to be the person that all of us want you to be no matter how much we love you and try.

I know walking away from any relationship I have from you now will only better me for the future. I have grown up so much in the last month and you were barley here. You didn’t care I got my heart broken and find myself back together. You hid from all the drama because only you matter.

Why does that have to happen? Why can’t we matter to you? You say all these things and turn around and say something else or do something that you know isn’t smart.

I love you because you are my parent. I burn for that relationship like any child does but I won’t ever get that and it took me forever to finally come to terms with it.

You won’t be there when I have children and maybe even get married. You won’t see me at the best moments of my life. I want to say I am sorry but I’m not.

I can’t live this life anymore where I am waiting for a change that is never going to happen. I finally have to put myself first. I have finally learned to do that.

Someday maybe we can have a relationship only if you change. I can’t force that change on you. Nobody can. You can change if you want to. I want change. I know everybody else wants that change too.

Maybe someday we can have a normal parent/child relationship but until that day.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

45852
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

119398
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments