To The 20-Somethings Whose Default Mode Is "Happy And Sweet"

All the Grey's Anatomy fans out there, you all know Lexie Grey was an important character on the show, automatically labeled by Meredith as being "raised right, with parents and rules and smiley face posters on her wall."

She could also be described as happy, optimistic, positive and innocent, counteracting the "dark and twisty" qualities of Meredith and Cristina. If you're the bright and shiny Lexie Grey of your friend group or classroom, well, hang tight. Or actually, hang loose. It’s time we open up.

In today’s crazy and confusing world, we are hit every day with overloading stimuli, whether it be from our phones, the television or from each other. So when a person comes along who isn’t moved by all the drama and seems to push the excess off their shoulders, it’s refreshing to be around them. More often than not, these same kinds of people wear a smile on their face all the time and easily laugh at themselves, not taking much to heart. Simply going with the flow.

It’s easy to think that these people have no worries or problems, and if they do, they sure know how to hide it all very well. I’m here to tell you that, yes, they are choosing not to reveal their other emotions. Just like Lexie Grey does with her thoughts about her lover Mark Sloan, her alcoholic father, and her deceased mother. This can be for many reasons but it’s highly probable they just don’t know how to display these emotions.

Way back in grade school, we all subconsciously label each other based on the interactions and norms of our surroundings. Our temperaments typically remain on the same wavelength as we move into adulthood. The jerky kid is still a jerk and the shy kid is probably still shy. At least in the general sense. So what did I mean when I said “default mode?”

Let me ask all of you happy and sweet people out there a question: Is it an odd feeling to you if you aren’t labeled these things? Would you want to be mentally noted by others as moody, rude, pessimistic or even average?? As a fellow optimist, I know I sure wouldn’t, even if we do think and feel that way sometimes. If we open up too much then we may lose what we’re known for – the squeaky clean, untainted, white picket fence, jolly folks. This phobia we're suffering from is a fear of judgment.

What about if one day you come to class sad or pissed or without that familiar smile? You're immediately asked, "Oh no, what's wrong? Are you okay?" as if someone else has taken over your body. As if you are incapable of feeling anything other than joy and contentment. In turn, we think to ourselves, "Yeah, what is my problem? I shouldn't be feeling like this," and then we suppress whatever was bothering us in order to revert back to our normal selves, the selves that everyone else is used to seeing.

Well, guess what? There’s no such thing as normal. If there was, the closest thing to it would be to showcase the plethora of emotions we harbor daily. If you’re feeling pissed off because someone was unnecessarily rude to you, be upset! If you feel sad about an exam grade or about the fact you need to lose weight or stop smoking or what have you, then freaking cry about it. Be spontaneous. Be loud. Be weird. Be whoever it is you are in public as you are behind closed doors.

Who cares if you have a so-called “off day.” Have a bunch of off days! You are not your emotions. They are only a side effect of our day to day experiences. But that doesn’t mean that we should suppress them either. Emotion is what makes us human. Embrace it.

Just because you may be different than the average Joe when it comes to dealing with external and internal struggles, does not mean you have found the meaning to life or the secret formula to a pain-free existence. There is no recipe for being happy and if someone tells you otherwise, they are so full of it. Happiness is not obtained. It’s a habit. The only thing you “choose” is your attitude.

So, to the happy and sweet people out there, if you’re anything other than that, you’re divergent. And I say thank you. We need people like you who smile despite all the shortcomings. Who are kind in their actions and words. And who see the good in what’s around them. Just don’t forget to extend all that enthusiasm to yourself, too.

Stop *trying* to be happy and just... be.