Dear, Older Brother(s),
Man I don’t even know where to start... When we were younger you guys were my knights in shining armor. You guys were the loves of my life, we did everything together, and even though we had grandma and grandpa, all we had was one another. From the weeping long nights we had that nobody, still to this day knows about, to the shit that we remember and never talk about. All the pain we endured together. The day we were ripped apart I can still the feel pain of watching you guys walk out that door from OUR bedroom window. My life changed. In that sudden moment. The two people I have never been apart from for the first 6 years of my life, said goodbye to me and didn’t want too. We went months, and days without seeing each other. It was so bittersweet when we actually did. We grew older, and lost a brother and that hit home for you guys, and everything broke apart, down to our relationship that we were to young to save. You guys lived with daddy, and I lived with mommy and grandma. We barely spoke, but when we did we couldn’t really talk bc we were to busy choking back our tears over the phone bc we wanted to seem stronger than one another. We were kids that had to grow up to fast. The three of us finally were reunited but you know nothing was ever the same as shooting bleach out of water guns at people outside and making potions with green hulk syrup. You guys were my best friends, best fucking buds but not so much anymore. Your little sister turned 18 and had a baby, but you guys left me, and watched me break down. You guys were my big brothers and steered me in every wrong direction, and left me alone. By myself. Because you thought I’d be okay. Right? Went about 3 years of barely speaking a word too me, in my hardest, darkest, coldest time of my life, knowing I needed you. Why? I don’t know what to question, if it was me or my kids who weren’t good enough... It’s not that I don’t wanna be there for you, it’s that I have nothing left in me to give, in order to be there for. & It’s not out of spite, or hateful emotions. But more or less that I’m not the same sister you once had and that the relationship will never be the same. I’ll also never look at you the same. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always love you guys, but you don’t deserve this me, I’m stronger and superior all on my own. Without you. You didnt want me when I needed a big brother but now that you need your little sister, now that she’s solid and stands by herself, she’s 22 and doing it on her own. Why do you need me now? Why can’t you do it on your own? I did. Now it’s your turn. I went Birthdays, Mother’s Day and many holidays without a word from either one of you or a card. Not even a text back. Nothing, ever. It hurt. It broke me. I cried. I died. I healed myself. I rebuilt myself. I stopped crying. I’m finally back.
I enjoy being alone now. I hope you guys have each other still, and please know I’m not angry, just invested in myself bc it’s all I had and all I got. I love you, please survive.
Sincerely,
Your little sister who survived.
