Dear My Special Friend
The phone vibrates and the message is from you. I look at it for a second, and I don't know what to say. I keep reading the text, “I’m becoming obsessed with you”. Those four words keep echoing in my head over and over.
"I'm becoming obsessed with you."
For a second I feel butterflies in my stomach, I’m nervous but pleased by this statement. I don't know how to respond to you. I stare at the text for a second and I realize what you really mean. We're just friends with benefits, you're not obsessed with me your obsessed with my body. All the thoughts of you and I actually being together wash out of my mind and it's replaced. Replaced with the feeling of worthlessness, and embarrassment. How could I let you play me so easily. How could I think that you're feelings would change? You are stubborn and don't change your mind often. But all that does is make me feel gross about myself. I let you use my body for your "obsession" while I fell for you. I did the one thing that everyone told me not to do, I caught the feels.
The words continue to echo in my head, "I'm becoming obsessed with you". But their's nothing I could do, I had no response, I didn't know how to tell you how that makes me feel, how you made me feel.
I know it's not you're fault. You warned me, it wasn't going to become anything else. But I'm a hopeless romantic. I had this stupid hope that one day you'll truly car about me. In the back of my mind I continue to think maybe you'll still change his mind. Maybe if I act like he wants me to act like. So I felt uncomfortable around you,, trying to be the girl you wanted, ignoring the fact that I wasn't truly that girl. Never fully able to be myself because I might scare you away. For so long I thought this would work but it didn't. I did the things you wanted and followed your interests and forgot about mine. But at the end of the day it made me feel so empty, so useless.
Those words echo again in this time I knew what to say and as I begin to type a weight lifts off my shoulder.
You're becoming obsessed with the way I move my hips, the way I make you feel when I'm naked, or the way I can make you feel okay with a kiss. But at the end of the day you'll never hear what I have to say, what my goals and ambitions are, because all you notice is if I wore a bra today or not. Its time I draw a line, it's time that I don't let you use me. It's time you stop obsessing about my body, because I am so much more then that.
Sincerely,
Sarcastic Brat
