I am in awe of you each and every day. On the days when I don’t feel like getting out of bed I remember that there was a time when getting out of bed was incredibly hard for you. I remember when Graves’ disease took over and you couldn’t go to school for days on end, but you passed all of your classes that year. I remember the day I found out you had cancer. It was a casual conversation, no drama to be had, just a nonchalant telling of how surgery and radiation were in your future. Not a day went by when you didn’t crack at least one smile, even on what I thought was going to be your worst day. Even as you lay in the hospital bed after surgery with a giant bandage across your neck, barely able to talk, with tears rolling down your face, you still made all of us laugh. You never wanted anyone to know that you were sick. You didn’t want anyone to look at you any differently, but your story needs to come out from the shadows. The world needs to know just how strong you are.
It’s the way that you approach each day and exude a carefree attitude that I admire. You never let anything get you down or ruin your day. Blood tests and doctor’s appointments and low iodine diets would send most of us running for the hills, but not you. I’ve complained and complained about my voluntary “pageant diets,” but what I failed to realize was that you never complained once when you had to give up all of the foods that you loved to eat because of your tests or medicine. Even after your surgeries and radiation you took the minimum amount of days off of work so that you weren’t letting anyone down even when you deserved to take more days off. You’ve taken your life to the next step and let your cancer experience guide your career choice so that you can help patients that went through what you did. You are letting your experience better the world around you, and I am so proud of you for that.
I was scared that you wouldn’t make it; that the cancer would spread and that we would lose you. I was scared that my days of tapping on the wall that divided our room to get your attention would be no more. Those feelings dissipated quickly when I saw the strength that resonates from you and immerses everyone around you with a sense of calm.
Thank you for staying strong and giving me an older sister to look up to. You’re my favorite person to bake with, watch tv with and go out to eat with. You’ve become my personal driver, lending bank and chef. I don’t tell you I love you as often as I should, but please know that I am so thankful that the cancer didn’t win. I would trade the light of the sun, the ground beneath my feet and the breeze on the water all for you.
