A little over two months from now will be 10 years since I lost you. 10 whole years and it has not gotten any easier. I miss you so much and I need you. I literally still can't comprehend that I will never see you again, never talk to you, never hug you. I don't have a mom to talk to when things get hard like they are right now. It just doesn't feel real. Life is so unfair, you didn't deserve this. I will never forget the day dad told us you were in the car and were going to the hospital for a few days, I ran outside and hugged you so tight and said "I don't want you to die". I remember the first time visiting you in the hospital, it was my first time sitting in the front seat of the car. I remember being by your side until the day you couldn't talk and we couldn't see you anymore. I'll never forget the day that you died, we slept over at Aunt J's, she drove us home, dad was sitting in the couch and the four of us cried for hours. I cried every single day. I'll never forget your funeral and having to stand up there, seeing everyone that loved you so much in one room.
Remember when I was 8 or 9 and I asked you who your celebrity crush was and you said Chad Michael Murray and I had no idea who that was but I looked up a picture and said ew (probably because it wasn't Zac Efron). Well he ended up being one of my celebrity crushes too after I watched one tree hill. I wish I could tell you that. I remember every day after school you would make me hot chocolate and I would pour half a bag of marshmallows in it. I remember you made me a snack once which I feel like was toffee, but I never knew what it was, I even made someone make me these gingersnaps when I was 13 trying to figure out if they were it (definitely weren't, they were so bad). Anyways then one day I was eating a toffee brownie, and the toffee bits tasted exactly like the snack you gave me. I just wish I could ask you what it was, I wish you could make it for me again. I miss baking cookies with you and helping you with dinner and setting the table. I miss doing everything with you. I still have pictures you colored me from all of the times we have colored together. I won't ever forget watching movies with you with my head in your lap. I'll never forget you always singing "sunshine on my shoulders" to me.
I remember going to mommysmoms and playing games like old maid and those puzzle squares. I miss her so much and you. You were the best momma I could have ever asked for and I wish more than anything that you were still here, I can only imagine how different things would be. I can't stop crying tonight, I wish you were here. I love you so much.
