To My Homegirl On The Phone In The Stall Next Door
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

To My Homegirl On The Phone In The Stall Next Door

It's time to free the pee.

To My Homegirl On The Phone In The Stall Next Door
Montel G. / Flickr

Just a few months ago, I moved into a new office building. If there was one thing I was most excited about, it was the proximity of my office chair to the bathroom door. They are quite literally right next to one another. Like, who really enjoys walking through the office in a desperate dash to the restroom? Not I.

It wasn’t long before I ran into you in the bathroom. You were scrubbing your hands with the world’s most-drying hand soap (my poor knuckles..) You were practically shouting on your phone to your husband (maybe? For the sake of the story, I wish I could be sure…) about your son and his pregnant girlfriend (or wife…?)

Although I’ve never actually spoken to you in person, in the two minutes I first ran into you in the bathroom, I learned a whole lot about your personal life. For example, I know that you doubt the legitimacy of your son’s girlfriend’s (or whoever she is..) pregnancy. You were astoundingly vocal about this, and I could practically feel myself getting swept up in your family drama from just a single stall over.

Thanks to you, and your doubts regarding your future grandchild, I know EXACTLY what kind of birth control to avoid. You were quite vocal, and it seriously could have been a radio broadcasted public service announcement. While you ruined my peaceful bathroom break, I do thank you for the life tip, though. It is appreciated.

I’ve heard you for a while now, every day around 11:15, to be exact. I never plan to run into you, but, you know, nature calls, and we appear to be on the same schedule. Your shameless bathroom conversations make me question why on earth anyone would have a private and personal conversation in the middle of a public restroom? Like seriously. Let a girl pee in peace.

Now, I’m not one to completely disapprove of phone usage in the bathroom. Hell, I’ve been known to scroll Instagram from time to time, and I may even send a text here and there. Who hasn’t? But I am definitely one to disapprove of having full on phone conversations while doing your business.

Just the other day, I sauntered into the restroom and was immediately greeted with your shrill voice discussing the issue of snow removal at one of your rental properties. I had expected to see you positioned at the sink, washing your hands just as slowly as always. However, this time, you were locked away in a stall talking to your hired hand. I slid into the other stall, determined to beat you out of the bathroom, because I didn’t really want to make small talk in a bathroom (however, according to your phone conversations, you are all about that bathroom small talk…)

The conversation continued a few moments, and despite my best efforts, I was distracted by your conversation and unable to finish in a timely manner. The conversation topic turned from snow removal to the “paid hours of an employee.” And that's when it hit me: THIS WAS A BUSINESS CALL. This woman was literally going to the bathroom while talking to a business associate. Now, I get it. I really do. I’m not shaming this woman for using the restroom. Duty calls. Everybody pees. Everybody poops. Yadda, yadda. But I cannot think of a single instance where it would be appropriate to talk to a fellow employee (or boss, because who really knows who was on the other line..) while going to the bathroom. This employee could literally hear everything.

But then it got worse. The woman finished her bathroom business and continued on with the conversation, AND THEN FLUSHED. You cannot possibly tell me that the individual on the other end of this phone call didn’t hear that. And while that may be acceptable when speaking to your husband, son, or daughter, I find it very unlikely that it’s appropriate in an office building. Even if it IS appropriate to talk to your fellow employees while on the can, should you really subject the poor woman in the stall next door to a never-ending drama about your life? I think not. It’s time to free the pee.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Women are known to lug around heavy purses with unnecessary items inside. How many of these useful items do you keep in your own bag? We need to be prepared with a list of things to have with us whenever we leave the house again.

Keep Reading... Show less

I personally love using song lyrics as my Instagram captions, especially from songs that I love or that mean a lot to me, and I happen to love Harry Styles and all of his songs! So I made a list of lyrics from each of his songs that you could use in your next Instagram caption.

Keep Reading... Show less

Everyone's been here. And, truthfully, it sucks. But in order to move on and get past something you need to allow yourself to feel it for what it is--all of the heartbreak and pain--and then you can start to take steps move on.

Keep Reading... Show less

11 Christmas Movies You'll Remember If You Were A 2000s Kid

Because I'm still reminiscing about simpler times.


The Christmas season is coming to an end, but it's not too late to get some last-minute movies in! Unfortunately, this year didn't look like a typical Christmas. While we can't have any big Christmas parties or family gatherings, we can still celebrate at home! Christmas is the best time for nostalgia, and we could all use some warm and fuzzy feelings as we wrap up a tough year and enter a new one that hasn't been proven any calmer, either.

As a kid who grew up in the 2000s, I can think of some of my favorite staple Christmas movies. If you're looking for recommendations or just a walk down memory lane, check out the list below.

Keep Reading... Show less

9 Reasons 'The Wilds' Should Be Your Next Binge Watch

The Wilds is the Best New Show on Amazon Prime


As we enter the new year, you might be looking for a great show to kick-off 2021. Look no further, I have the perfect recommendation. "The Wilds" was released on Amazon Prime last month and has been gaining traction steadily since then. This series of 10 one-hour episodes tells the stories of eight girls who find themselves on a deserted island after their plane crashed while they are on their way to a resort. Unlike other survival shows, there's a bit more to the story than what first meets the eye. This show is unique in characters, storytelling methods, and plot.

If you aren't convinced yet, allow me to provide you with a list of further persuasion.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Therapeutic Ways To Be Adventurous During The Pandemic

Add some music to reduce the COVID-anxiety a bit and perceive your surroundings as the elaborate setting of a land far, far away from home


Even if we are not traveling abroad at the moment, we can still travel locally while maintaining social distancing and preventative guidelines. Sometimes, the little things in life seem the most fascinating and joyous to us compared to the flamboyant luxuries that we perhaps have a wishful desire for.

So, as a potential remedy for our travel necessity, I have listed 5 alternative ways in which you can relish your traveling desires during this pandemic.

Keep Reading... Show less

10 Things TikTok Made Me Buy, And Now My Life Is So Much Better

Where would I be without my Revlon hair dryer or CeraVe skin products?! Thanks, TikTok.


TikTok is a great way to see what products are trending. People are sharing tips and tricks about items that they use to make their life happier, healthier, or just easier.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments