When I first met you, I had no idea that you would cause me so much pain. Yes, I have come to the realization that it was not me. It was you. But I am not angry anymore, in fact, I have learned so much from this.

You tried to destroy my academic confidence. We were in one of my favorite classes, English, with each other. I adored the class and everything we read because I grew up with literature like this. I was under the impression in high school that I had to enjoy every minute of English class because I thought in college I would have to give up English for science (I was wrong, I can do both).

But as much as you got angry at me for it, I do not regret any comment or conversation in that class. I do not regret writing more or doing more than expected. There is a difference between me and you. I would never read a book for the sake of a teacher to "be forced to talk to me." I would read a book for the sake of literature and how it has the potential to completely transform a person.

Perhaps this is why you got angry at me in the first place. Even Junior year, you could not handle it when I talked to a teacher about a book recommendation and my life. Apparently, I was bragging. The worst thing is, I believed every word you said. I believed I should apologize for my participation. I believed I was not smart enough to make comments in class.

I believed I should not have talked to a teacher about something as simple as a book recommendation. I doubted the worth of my hard work, because of you. Instead of obsessing about how much a teacher likes you and doing everything in your power to bring others down, focus on how the class can impact you. Seek value in your own perseverance.

I do not know what validation you seek, but it should never be stolen from someone else. You stole from me, but now I have the strength to not rely on others for academic validation. Never underestimate the power of hard work especially if you pour your heart out into everything you do.

You tried to destroy the confidence in myself. I will never forget how every time someone complimented me you ignored me or did something else to tear me down. Or how you said a boy would never find me beautiful. Then, you made me apologize for it. I believed everything you said.

I was critical of the fact I wore glasses. I tried to straighten my otherwise curly hair. I tried to wear makeup the best I could. I never asked why. I would come home dizzy and tired because of no nutrition all day and I would wipe off all the makeup not bothering to look at myself after I was cleaned up. I learned to hate the blood running through my veins, my skin, my thighs, and my face.

My everything belonged to you. I will never forget the day you told me it would have been better for me to have died over the summer. You did not realize there was nothing left of me to kill. You took everything from me. I felt like I was a tapestry. Our friendship was a loose thread and you kept pulling away parts of me that could never be the same no matter how hard I wanted them to be.

I felt like something was wrong with me. I could not make you happy. I kept giving and giving but at this point, all the thread had run out. I did not eat or talk because you would ignore me if I did. I did not listen to any positive comments. I focused on you and internalized every mean thing you said to me. I did everything you asked me. But here is where I was wrong. I can not make you happy. It was my fault for thinking it was my job too.

I do not know what problem you had with me. You were jealous whenever I talked to my teachers. You got angry at me whenever something good happened to me. You constantly took me as competition. Was it to make yourself feel better? Because if so, that is terribly sad. Let me tell you something.

I am not the same girl as I was Sophomore year. I am not the girl who is going to listen to you. I am not the girl who will doubt herself and apologize to teachers for being myself. I am not the girl who will doubt her body even for one second. I am not the girl who will say sorry for existing. I do not believe you anymore.

I am so much stronger now that I have come to this realization. I should not have to say sorry for being Natasha. It is scary how strategically you planned to destroy a person and how you say "I try to treat everyone with kindness." It is sad that you are so disconnected with who you truly are. But I am not anymore, I owe it to you.

I resolve to treat everyone in the opposite way that you have treated me. I know how much words can hurt. But they also have immense power that can also bring incredible joy. It depends on which side you choose. You will be vying for teacher validation, trying to systematically hurt others and constantly lying to yourself and everyone around you.

If there is one thing I am sorry for, it is for you not being able to see that this is wrong. But this is out of my life now. You are out of my life now. In Japan, they repair cracks in pottery with gold (Kintsugi). Even though you shattered me, I am now more beautiful. And I will never break because of people like you ever again.