Where do I even begin? I have all these thoughts and feelings in my head when it comes to you. I know this is coming about two years too late but I felt the need to really sit down and talk to you.... I miss you.
I miss the way your eyes would light up the second you saw any of your grandkids. I miss how even if we didn't see each other for a day, it was like we haven't seen each other in years. I loved the way you loved grandma. Your love was something I strive to find each and every day. Over 50 years of marriage and you still called her "babe" and looked at her like she is the most beautiful thing on this earth (she is, lucky you). I miss how excited you got for holidays, especially Christmas. My favorite thing in the world was that Christmas village you built years ago. I would love to recreate something like that in memory of you. You would always sing "Blue Christmas" by Elvis and we would all sing along with you and love every minute of it even if you did it every year. I miss your hugs more than anything. A hug that would make you feel so happy and warm and lucky to have someone as amazing as you in my life.
So I guess what I'm trying to get at is... I'm sorry I wasn't around as much as other family members were. I'm sorry I thought other stupid things were more important than spending time with you and grandma. Because now, you're gone. I don't get that opportunity anymore, I don't get a do-over. I have no one to blame but myself. I wish more than anything you were here just for an hour so I could update you on all thats happened since you've been gone. I graduated school, moved out and started my life as an adult. I've also found the one whom my soul loves. You would love him. I've told him so much so about you. I think you'd be really proud of me.. at least I hope you would.
I feel incredibly blessed that you and Grandma are my grandparents. I am so thankful that you were my Grandpa. You were the most amazing grandfather I could have ever asked for. You loved Grandma with your whole heart and you cherished your kids – every one of them. You adored each of us grandkids, no matter how old we were, where we lived or what we were doing with our lives. You loved each of us unconditionally, and without holding back.
And boy, do we love you. We love you so much.
We don't really understand what it's like to love and cherish someone until they're gone. I took advantage of the time I had with you. So, seeing people who dread to go see their grandparents or look like they hate their lives when they're around them, don't have a clue what it's like to actually lose one of them. It's like a piece of your heart is gone.
Anyways, grandpa. I love you. I miss you more than anything in this world. Someday, I will see your smiling face again, and I will hear your laugh again. I will feel your tight bear hug squeeze again. I know it.
Love,
Your Leah Beah
