Dad,

It’s been one year since you chose to leave us. Mom is still really angry. I switch between angry and sad.

So much has happened in my life — some big things, some smaller.

Even though it’s been a year, I’m still not used to coming home after school and not being able to tell you about my day.

Right after we got back from your funeral in Massachusetts, I got my tonsils out. The recovery time wasn’t as long as when I got my wisdom teeth out a couple of years back.

We had our first Christmas without you. We didn’t decorate. We didn’t celebrate. It’s my favorite holiday, and we had to miss it because we were so busy. Grammy and Papa held Christmas near the very end of December, so I ended up getting a few small presents.

We sold the house to some people from New Jersey. Packing everything up was a nightmare. Thankfully, we had David to help us sort through all of the junk in the garage. We were balancing living with Mom’s friend, Karen, and taking care of the cats at the old house.

I got two tattoos. I know, I know. You always said you didn't want me permanently changing my body because I was "already perfect" and "it was the way God made me."

But, I got them for me, and I got them for you as well.

Cutie passed away. My favorite cat, one of my best friends since I was three years old. She was so stressed out about everything and stopped eating. She eventually lost so much weight that it killed her.

I went to the state competition for theatre. It was my first time going since you didn’t want me going to Tampa for five days the year before. You said it wasn’t safe and was too far away, even though it’s only two hours south of us.

I turned 17. I had a birthday dinner with some of my friends at BJ’s. It was really fun to spend time with all of them and pretend things were normal for a second.

I got my license. I passed the test with flying colors because I’m such a good driver. You were always nervous when I drove. I don’t know if it’s because you weren’t in control or if you were afraid of me growing up.

We got in a car accident. We were bringing my car to get a new radio installed (since the car ate all CDs inserted into it). I had driven by myself for the first time ever. Mom was bringing us back to Karen’s to wait for it to be done, and she accidentally turned out when somebody was coming the other direction. Nobody was hurt, but Mom had to pay for her car to be repaired.

I got cast in my first big role as the Doorknob in our school production of “Alice in Wonderland.”

I rocked the heck out of that role.

I went to my Junior Prom. I didn’t have a date, and I drove myself. Mom had to work, so I got ready by myself. I didn’t have a group to take pictures with beforehand. The only good part was Lyn’s afterparty.

I got elected as Secretary of Drama Club. I've wanted to be Secretary since freshman year, and you always told me I would get it.

I visited New York City for the first time. It was so amazing. I got to visit the site where your tower fell, where you could have died 15 years before you did. I’m so glad you stayed home on 9/11 or else I would never have known you.

We finally moved out of Karen’s after seven long months of sharing a bathroom with Mom. I was excited to have my own bathroom again, but that soon changed when Addie moved in with us less than a week later. It was a surprise for all of us, even her. Remember Addie? You always loved when I would hang out with her.

I started my senior year. I even got a parking spot this year! I filled out all of my college applications. That was hard, having to click “deceased” next to your name on every single application.

I got an even bigger role in our fall production this year.

I started writing for Odyssey. Being a part of Odyssey and the Aspiring Journalism Professionals has changed my life. I’m making connections. I’m growing as a person. I’m getting job experience. Isn’t that what you always wanted for me?

I got an interview with Harvard. Yes, THE Harvard University! Acceptance letters will come out in a few weeks, and I’m praying that I get in.

I got another tattoo. Yes, three tattoos in one year! This one is my favorite so far because it's in French.

I got to bring another solo to our district competition this year. From “Fun Home” again, of course. It’s only my favorite musical ever. But you know that already.

I miss you. I wish you hadn’t made the choice you did, but I know why you did it. I know that someday I will see you again, and that’s what gives me hope.

Sincerely Yours,

Little Bear