I never really knew what people meant when they said breaking up with the family was the hardest part. But man, I can now say I've experienced that first hand. And even as I sit here crying while writing this, I can't believe the overwhelming feeling of love I have for every family member and how it feels as though it was just yesterday that we were making countless memories together.
Our relationship was a little different. When I moved in, not only was I getting to know my ex still, but I was getting to know her family. Her entire family took a chance on allowing a stranger in. And I am so blessed that they did because I have never felt so much love in my life.
From her mother and grandmother giving me advice on life and guiding me through difficult situations, to having rap battles with her brother in their living room. From learning how to play MineCraft by her mom's boyfriend, to running up and down the halls with the dogs and torturing the cat! Her dad and step mom taking us out on the boat and swimming in a lake for the first time, and playing with the cows and goats at her grandma's house. Some of my favorite memories have taken place with my ex's family and I don't regret a single second of it.
But the part that breaks my heart to no end, is the relationship with her sister.
Although we all still communicate regularly, it doesn't make the hurt disappear. Her sister has taught me so much about myself, and I didn't even realize it while we were making memories. We became so insanely close and were inseparable. Wether it was getting up super early to take her to school because she missed the bus AGAIN, getting breakfast because well, she was already late so we figured we would make the best if it. Redbox runs at midnight. Driving her to parties and being the over protective big sister. Supporting her while she was in dance, taking a trip to Chicago to get her prom dress, countless lunch dates, endless games of Monopoly, and cruising the back roads blasting music and acting like we didn't have a care in the world.
This girl was and still is my world. I will protect her with every thing in me. She's the little sister I always prayed for and she is so irreplaceable. I always think about how terrible it will be when that day comes that my ex brings a new girl home. I always think about how much more liked she will be, and how soon she will be the one doing everything with the family that I did. But worst of all I think about her sister getting so close to my replacement.
And although I'm not bitter about it, it causes my heart to ache. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe I'm more bitter than I'll ever admit. The thought of them going to the mall together, picking out clothes and hair styles. Her going to their house for dinner, or watching the most stupid scary movies on Netflix together. I think about her sitting with the new girl playing Sims like we always used to do. Going to get food together and doing all the things we did. Shes my little sister too. And I'm so scared I'll lose that.
To you:I will always be here. I will hold your hand when times are tough. I will give you sisterly advice. You can come to me about anything and I will never ever judge you. Whether you need me to sneak you drinks, or just a hug, I will always have your back. Your sister and I may not be together anymore, but the love I have for you and your family will never go away. I love you so much and I hope you know that you will always be family. No matter what. Through thick and thin. You have another sister and a best friend for life. I promise you this!
Love always,
Richelle ❤
