Ralph--
You left us all so sudden, and so soon. I can't explain the way your death changed my entire life. You were a warrior. You were sick all of your life, but no one ever would have known. I remember the way you would look at the signs on roller coasters that "people with heart conditions shouldn't ride", smile, and continue to move forward in the line. We still have the hilarious video of you and my dad riding the Raptor at Cedar Point, though I'm too afraid to watch it just yet. I remember the way you would impersonate my dad. I remember the days you'd sit and watch "All My Children" and "One Life to Live" with me, as long as I didn't ditch you while you watched "General Hospital." I remember the times my parents would go on vacation and bring you here to "babysit" my brother and I. I remember the way you'd complain about my cajun chicken before you ate it anyway. I remember pushing you around Disney World in a wheel chair to make all the walking a little easier on your heart. I also remember Marcus pushing this wheelchair into a bathroom stall and leaving you there, stranded. I remember your laugh, and the way your smile could light up a room. I remember the way you loved your mom, our granny, all of your aunts and uncles, and the way you watched over all of your cousins. And I remember the way my heart broke when my parents broke the news to me. I remember the ride to Detroit to be with the family on that hard day. I remember the way I felt completed suffocated at the funeral home. And I remember the way "Take Me To the King" played as my granny held me when I came to say my final goodbye for a while.
Forgetting any detail about you is one of my biggest fears, but I don't know why I'm so worried because I think about you every day, and I need you to hear these words from me:
I love you because you had such a huge heart
Though it’s the reason we, so soon, had to part
You lived like a champion, never accepting defeat
But your battle with health was the most bittersweet
Many people, me included, sit and wallow about bad days
While you, in sickness and health, went about it other ways
The way you lived your life is a lesson in itself
For you’ve shown that inner strength brings a lifetime full of wealth
For a loved one I wasn’t able to see every day
The memories we have make goodbye impossible to say
I could write and reminisce so much that I’d have a book
All these old times leave your presence everywhere that I look
It breaks my heart to know we’ve had to part for a while
But when I get to heaven, I’ll be searching for that smile
I love you and I’ll miss you, I can’t wait ‘til we meet again
My cousin, my friend, I will see you at the end.
---
I feel your presence constantly. I know that you are watching over all of us. I know that you comfort me when I cry, and keep me company when I'm lonely. I know that you're proud of the progress that I have made, and though I miss you more than anything, I am so happy that I had nearly 18 years to make memories with you during your well-lived 24 years. Although I'm constantly sad about the memories we won't get to make, I know you're a part of everything that I do. You'll never understand how much your life, and your death, has changed me (but only for the better). I love you, and I'll be seeing you.
