To My Angel In Heaven

To My Angel In Heaven

You never know when a word spoken can be the last.

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Where do I start? I feel that there are not enough words that I can write to honestly describe all of the emotions that consume me regularly knowing that you are gone. There are so many things that I wish I could say to you, so many calls I wish I could have made, so many moments I look back at and wonder if you are somewhere off in a distant place watching over me with pride.

The way that you left this world was too abrupt. I was not given the proper time to tell you everything that I wanted to say to you. I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you how much you truly mean to me, how much I needed you in my life, and how much of an impact you have had on me. I look back at our times spent together knowing that I could have done so much more to be better - to do better, to be better to you and for you.

There are many conversations that I want to take back. How I wish I could rewind time and take the cruel insults I slurred at you in anger back and swallow them whole. I feel like a beast for speaking to you so cruelly. I wish I had known then what I know now. You never know when a word was spoken can be the last.

I wonder so much if you are angry at me. I wonder so often if you are at peace. I wonder so often if you are looking down at me, missing me, cheering me on, and loving me from afar.

There are so many times within a day when I see your face. There are moments where I feel your energy invade my world. When the sun is shining down on my face and the warm hugs my body like an embrace, I often wonder if that is you saying hello. When the spring flowers begin to bloom and the air smells like crisp cut grass and the birds are chirping loudly, I wonder if this is you saying that you care.

I look back at life with regret sometimes knowing that I could have changed so many things if I had only paid more attention to what truly mattered. But I know that it would not make me who I am today if I had changed my past. I know that the trials we had gone through were there for a reason and while I regret many things that have slipped away, I know inside that you loved me all the same.

There is never a day that goes by that I do not wish you were here. There are moments I know you would cherish, enjoy, thrive through, and love. There are memories I wish you were here to be a part of. Stories that I wish you could hear. Songs I wish you could sing. Experiences I wish you could have.

While you are no longer here living with me, I know wherever you are, you are shining bright laughing and smiling for me.

My angel in heaven, wherever you may be right now, please know that you are missed.

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To The Grandmothers Who Made Us The Women We Are Today

Sincerely, the loving granddaughters.
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The relationship between a grandmother and her granddaughter is something so uniquely special and something to be treasured forever.

Your grandma loves you like you are her own daughter and adores you no matter what. She is the first person you run to when you have a problem with your parents and she never fails to grace you with the most comforting advice.

She may be guilty of spoiling you rotten but still makes sure to stress the importance of being thankful and kind.

Your grandma has most likely lived through every obstacle that you are experiencing now as a young adult and always knows just exactly what to say.

She grew up in another generation where things were probably much harder for young women than they are today.

She is a walking example of perseverance, strength, and grace who you aim to be like someday.

Your grandma teaches you the lessons she had to learn the hard way because she does not want you to make the same mistakes she did when she was growing up.

Her hugs never fail to warm your heart, her smile never fails to make you smile, and her laugh never fails to brighten your day.

She inspires you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

You only hope that one day you can be the mother and grandmother she was to you.

A piece of girl’s heart will forever belong to her grandma that no one could ever replace.

She is the matriarch of your family and is the glue that holds you all together.

Grandmothers play such an important role in helping their granddaughters to grow into strong, intelligent, kind women.

She teaches you how to love and how to forgive.

Without the unconditional love of your grandma, you would not be the woman you are today.

To all of the grandmothers out there, thank you for being you.

Sincerely,

the loving granddaughters

Cover Image Credit: Carlie Konuch

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True Tales Of Growing Up In A BIG Family

Spoiler alert, I get tackled a lot.

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I was born into a fairly large family. I have upwards of twenty-something first cousins, many of who are around the same age as me. It has honestly been both a blessing and a curse to have so many people around me all the time. Some of my favorite memories come from family gatherings where all of my cousins were there. However, since most of my cousins are male, there has also been a lot of physical violence where people get hurt, even if the intentions were innocent. I have so many stories about my family, some of which I won't share here because they are a little bit inappropriate, but others are too good not to share.

The first story I want to share is from this past Easter. Most of my cousins on my Dad's side were at my Papa's house celebrating the holiday. There was so much food we could probably feed a small army. Some of the older cousins decided that we were going to play a game of whiffle ball. All of the cousins who were playing were at least sixteen and some of them were much older. Many of us had or are playing sports in High School or College so this game of whiffle ball got extremely competitive very fast. I ended up being the Umpire/pitcher because I played softball for so long. The game ended with my brothers winning and my other cousins upset that they lost, but it was still one of the memories I will cherish the most even though I definitely threw out my shoulder pitching.

I can remember playing a game of football on Thanksgiving when I was young (maybe five or six). This game, not unlike the whiffle ball game we played at Easter, got super competitive super fast to the point where even I, as a six-year-old, was being pushed and tackled to the ground by much older boys. I honestly can't remember much about that game, maybe I got hit in the head too much, but I do remember having so much fun playing with my cousins.

I've been on a cruise two times in my life, both times with my extended family. One cruise was to Mexico when I was very little. What I remember about that cruise was getting extremely sea sick and that the cleaning staff would make towel monkey on our beds. The cruise was to Alaska when I was a lot older, I think I was fifteen. Since I and my cousins were much older on that cruise, we caused a lot more trouble and were able to get away with it. Every night we would go to the pool and swim. Then, we would go to the buffet and only eat pineapples and mac and cheese. We, also, may have or may not have gone into a bar to sing karaoke. While the cruise was fun, I wouldn't have had such a great time if I wasn't with my family.

While sometimes they can be a pain, having so much family has taught me a lot about communication and playing right. Again, I only have scratched the surface here in regards to the plentiful stories I have, many of which are so much funnier. I love my family so much and I would never trade that in for the world.

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