I believe the meaning of life and what living is are two different things. I believe in God, and so I believe the meaning of life is to enter into a relationship with Him, and being an example of who He is as a witness to other people. This is a process, learning how to be faithful to Him daily is not easy just because I believe Jesus payed the price for all my sin. I decided to be faithful because I have seen what my life could have been without God in my life, I would be a complete mess. In this choice, living has taken on a whole new meaning for me.

Lately I have been caught up in trying to plan my future. I will put an emphasis on “trying”, because that has all I have been able to do. I want to enjoy my last year at college, investing in friends and my favorite athletic events. Yet as a Senior I must be looking ahead as well, preparing for what may happen when I graduate. There are many choices for post-grad: get a job or go to grad school? If I get a job, what setting do I want to work in? If I do post-grad studies do I want to go for my Master’s or PA School? My biggest struggle has been deciding how far from my family I am willing to go. All of the “what ifs” had me focusing on what I want, and honestly I do not know.

I have been going through the devotional book My Upmost For His Highest, and it has proven to challenge my more than I had anticipated. God has always been a part of my life, I grew up in a Christian household. Now I am learning to trust Him with my future, learning that I need to let Him lead me in my decisions. I am growing in what it means to trust God’s plan, as well as trusting His heart and His intentions. I don’t want to become complacent, I want to live and learn. Growing, leaning into hurt and confusion to move forward when things don’t always make sense.

I believe leaning into life when it is the most difficult is when we have a chance to grow the most. It may not be pretty, it probably is painful at times, but it is how we can learn to be better.