First off, I would like to say I was you. I still am actually. I dated someone I never should have, stayed around for longer than necessary, and allowed him to break me in way I never intended. There is no judgement here, only words of encouragement.
We've all been there at one point.
At some point in our life we've all dated someone we shouldn't have. Someone who was absolutely no good for us. Even the smartest, and most level headed of us, can be blinded by the false pretenses of "love" or what appears to be said love. Falling for that person and going through the pain of a toxin filled relationship is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it should be something that makes you feel proud. Not the fact that it happened, but the fact that you made it through and you're learning from it.
It does not define you.
Sometimes, we let the pain and effects of a toxic relationship linger over us like a rain cloud. We think that everyone knows what we went through and is looking at us differently for it. The truth is, that's not the case. For those that do know, they're not judging you. They're more than likely sympathetic and happy that you're out of that situation.
Things will get better.
Again, I can say this because I've been there. Trying to find yourself after going through the toxicity of constantly being cheated on, told you're nothing, and being persecuted for simply trying to be good for someone feels impossible. Since leaving my toxic relationship, I've found the man of my dreams. Someone who loves me for who I am, is faithful, and enjoys all my little quirks. Even though he is insanely good for me, I still get paranoid about him treating me like my toxic past did. I get afraid when he gets quite, I fear that he's cheating, that he sees the flaws that the other did, and that they will be too much for him to stay. But, that's not the truth. He reassures me everyday that thats not at all the case. Just because I've met a guy that displayed these tendencies before, doesn't mean every guy is like that. There are good ones, and lucky for me, I've found one.
Getting out of a toxic relationship is hard. It takes a lot to leave, and once you do it takes a lot to heal. There's feelings of shame, regret, uselessness, all those awful ones. The thing is, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Although I am still on my road to healing, there is healing. No matter how long you stayed in the toxic relationship and allowed that person to tear you down, you can come back. And when you do, you'll be better and stronger than ever.
