Has anyone ever social media stalked their ex? I have. It’s addicting. I can’t help myself. I want to know how they are holding up since our breakup. Not that I will figure out their deepest feelings by looking up their profile on Facebook, but sometimes you get a glimpse of what they’re going through. But what happened to me the other day was super embarrassing. I was on LinkedIn. You know how it is—you’re always looking for ways to improve your profile so potential employers give you a job. I got a notification that someone had looked at my profile. I went to the page. It was some professor from Indiana University, but underneath it? It was my ex-boyfriend from high school. We hadn’t spoken in years. He had looked at my profile a month ago. Now we are connected on LinkedIn. We talked a little—he’s going to move to Germany in two months. I probably won’t see him ever again. So I thought I would write him an open letter.

Dear G,

How have you been? I saw that you grew a mustache, and I have to say, you look good. I liked the baby face, but this looks more manly.

I’m doing well. Pretty well. I am in my last semester at Butler University. I’m studying creative writing. I don’t know what I will do after I graduate. I have no job lined up. I’m not going to grad school. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. You were always so put together. How do you do it?

In other news, I miss you. I miss talking to you. I remember when we’d have long talks on the phone, where you’d tell me about your time in the army, and I’d tell you about school. I remember first meeting you. I was sixteen when we met. I was a hostess at this shabby Mediterranean restaurant and hookah bar. You were in the bar smoking. You were one of the shortest guys there, which was perfect because I’m a midget. You had that military undercut that made me go wild. I said to myself, “Who is he?”

A part of me regrets meeting you. I’m not going to lie. Some months, I don’t think about you at all. More recently, I think about you all the time. I think about that night. I think about how my heart was so heavy I thought I would die when you said you were going to be deployed. I think about that chaste kiss you plucked on my lips at the end of the night. “Find me on Facebook!” you yelled as you walked to your car.

I remember we talked non-stop. I remember wanting to see you all the time, but rarely seeing you. I remember when you wanted to take me to Ireland three weeks after that kiss. I remember thinking, “This is too soon.” I remember being super inappropriate too fast.

It was so hard to break up with you. It was so hard. I cried. It’s silly. We didn’t go out for very long. But the feelings I felt for you are the most passionate I have ever felt for a man.

Now you have a wife and children. Now you have a life. And I’m just a side stop in that life. I will never be the destination. Being with you has taught me a little bit about who I want to come home to, though. So thank you for that.

I hope Germany works out,

Chloe