People say

That you should forgive and forget

That you should move on

That you should not hold grudges

But who are they to tell you

That you aren't allowed to be mad?

They say

Revenge is bad

Don't stoop to their level by hating them

Be the better person

But why do they feel the need to police your emotions?

To rise above those who hurt you

To display mercy

To be unwavering in your sense of morality

Why all the pressure to be

Saint-like?

Sometimes they say

It was your fault

That if you didn't want it

You'd have done more to stop it

Or that you were stupid

For not seeing the red flags

They tell you

If you are truly angry about what was done to you

To retaliate

With the full force of the law

But when the law wrongs you, too

Keep trying!

Someone's bound to listen!

Ha ha

After hearing from the cop's mouth, in person

While your hands tremble and your brain buffers

Your skin itches and your chest aches

The ones that came to save you instead say

"They didn't do anything illegal"

Tell me

Do they think I care about further prosecuting someone

Who has been deemed innocent by an officer?

Do I have to be so vindictive?

Sweep it under the rug

Let it simmer for a few months or years

Stomp it down, light it up

Cut it up, tear it down

Flat out ignore it

They're in no place to tell you that the way you're coping is wrong

They don't know what you've been through

If they knew

They'd shut right up, wouldn't they?

They'd all understand

They'd be easier to talk to

Than people who can't relate to you

Well

We're glad they can't relate

We don't want them to be able to relate

Nobody deserves to relate to this

But sometimes it's frustrating

To feel alone

But to not want to talk to anyone

To not want to be hugged

To not want to be touched

To not even be looked at

It's maddening

For people who don't know what it's like

To want to forget everything

Sometimes you want to delete the memory

Your brain is failing to erase it on its own

So you're taking matters into your own hands

But it's hard

When at night you can hear

Labored breaths and rushing blood

And the pressure on your wrists won't cease

But it's all in your head

Rather than forgive and forget

You'd rather remember it and fume angrily

You want to stew in your anger

Mad at them, mad at yourself

Breathe in shame and exhale unbridled rage

You want to stay silent

You want to shout

You want to say it never happened

You want to show support for all those who've been there

You share resources and encourage reporting to authorities

You are vocal about defending survivors

And about dealing proper punishment to perpetrators

You regularly express your disappointment

With the way the courts handle cases like yours

That's the extent of your interaction

But you'll never say

At least, not outwardly,

That you're talking about yourself

Because you know they'll tell you

The same thing the police did

Or to get over it

To forgive and forget

Or to fight with the law behind you

That what you're doing

Sitting

Letting it fester

Handling it alone

Ignoring it

Telling other survivors not to cope like you do

It's wrong

But is it really?

Your anger is encouraged

Your sadness is real

Your numbness is acceptable

Your fear is justified

Your frustration is okay

Your feelings are valid

Your feelings are yours

You don't have to forgive them

You don't have to forget them

You don't have to remember them

You don't have to speak up

Choosing silence is just as fine as raising your voice

Your trauma is real

You're not any less of a victim

Because you didn't raise your voice

You're not any less of a survivor

Because you're not an outspoken activist

That's all you want to hear

It's not your fault

And keeping your mouth shut

Doesn't mean you wanted it to happen

That's all you need to hear

Cope however you need to

Hate or forget whoever you need to

Talk whenever you need to

Scream wherever you need to

Recover at the pace you want to

Because the only one whose mental health matters most

Is you

Not theirs

Not their opinion of you

Just you