People say
That you should forgive and forget
That you should move on
That you should not hold grudges
But who are they to tell you
That you aren't allowed to be mad?
They say
Revenge is bad
Don't stoop to their level by hating them
Be the better person
But why do they feel the need to police your emotions?
To rise above those who hurt you
To display mercy
To be unwavering in your sense of morality
Why all the pressure to be
Saint-like?
Sometimes they say
It was your fault
That if you didn't want it
You'd have done more to stop it
Or that you were stupid
For not seeing the red flags
They tell you
If you are truly angry about what was done to you
To retaliate
With the full force of the law
But when the law wrongs you, too
Keep trying!
Someone's bound to listen!
Ha ha
After hearing from the cop's mouth, in person
While your hands tremble and your brain buffers
Your skin itches and your chest aches
The ones that came to save you instead say
"They didn't do anything illegal"
Tell me
Do they think I care about further prosecuting someone
Who has been deemed innocent by an officer?
Do I have to be so vindictive?
Sweep it under the rug
Let it simmer for a few months or years
Stomp it down, light it up
Cut it up, tear it down
Flat out ignore it
They're in no place to tell you that the way you're coping is wrong
They don't know what you've been through
If they knew
They'd shut right up, wouldn't they?
They'd all understand
They'd be easier to talk to
Than people who can't relate to you
Well
We're glad they can't relate
We don't want them to be able to relate
Nobody deserves to relate to this
But sometimes it's frustrating
To feel alone
But to not want to talk to anyone
To not want to be hugged
To not want to be touched
To not even be looked at
It's maddening
For people who don't know what it's like
To want to forget everything
Sometimes you want to delete the memory
Your brain is failing to erase it on its own
So you're taking matters into your own hands
But it's hard
When at night you can hear
Labored breaths and rushing blood
And the pressure on your wrists won't cease
But it's all in your head
Rather than forgive and forget
You'd rather remember it and fume angrily
You want to stew in your anger
Mad at them, mad at yourself
Breathe in shame and exhale unbridled rage
You want to stay silent
You want to shout
You want to say it never happened
You want to show support for all those who've been there
You share resources and encourage reporting to authorities
You are vocal about defending survivors
And about dealing proper punishment to perpetrators
You regularly express your disappointment
With the way the courts handle cases like yours
That's the extent of your interaction
But you'll never say
At least, not outwardly,
That you're talking about yourself
Because you know they'll tell you
The same thing the police did
Or to get over it
To forgive and forget
Or to fight with the law behind you
That what you're doing
Sitting
Letting it fester
Handling it alone
Ignoring it
Telling other survivors not to cope like you do
It's wrong
But is it really?
Your anger is encouraged
Your sadness is real
Your numbness is acceptable
Your fear is justified
Your frustration is okay
Your feelings are valid
Your feelings are yours
You don't have to forgive them
You don't have to forget them
You don't have to remember them
You don't have to speak up
Choosing silence is just as fine as raising your voice
Your trauma is real
You're not any less of a victim
Because you didn't raise your voice
You're not any less of a survivor
Because you're not an outspoken activist
That's all you want to hear
It's not your fault
And keeping your mouth shut
Doesn't mean you wanted it to happen
That's all you need to hear
Cope however you need to
Hate or forget whoever you need to
Talk whenever you need to
Scream wherever you need to
Recover at the pace you want to
Because the only one whose mental health matters most
Is you
Not theirs
Not their opinion of you
Just you
