To the side, I wish I knew,

I want to start off by saying, thank you. Thank you to my dad, brother, and sister. You each had some kind of impact on my life that I didn't fully understand until now. Yes, we are family but we are family that knows nothing of each other. I just want to thank you.

Dad, thanks for leaving my life. I understand now on why you did although not completely, but in a way I do. I know that this might sound strange for thanking you, but I feel that I turned out okay. However, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't mad or hurt by you because I am both. I have learned that I can't live in constant anger or pain over something that I have no control over.

I'm at the age where I understand more about the reasoning of you leaving, although I think it's stupid and selfish. You decided that your life would be better without me in it, you'd rather have alcohol over having a kid. Honestly, I agree with you. My life was better without you in it because I didn't have to worry about you being around or not and if you'd be drunk when you were around. As I said, I'm over it now I have the best family because of it. I had my sisters' dads who treated me like their own and I was better off because of it.

Thanks to you I stayed away from alcohol, I had learned to let people earn my trust, and not everyone is like you. With you out of the picture, I learned the hard way, that I can and will be okay without a guy. I just wish you didn't act like I'm not yours or that I don't exist. Do you realize how much pain that causes someone, let alone a child growing up knowing that their own father wants nothing to do with them?

To my sister, first I want to say hello again. It's weird to say thank you when we only ever talked once when I was younger. Talking to you then was nice for me because it was like something was missing before we talked. Then I felt connected to his side for the first and only time in my life. I'm happy for you on how your life is going, congratulations on your wedding and your baby girl. By the way, she is beautiful, I hope to meet her one day (I understand that might never happen but I can hope).

To Rob, first I want to say that I can't believe I actually have a brother. I always wanted one growing up since I was the middle of three girls. I want to say thank you for reaching out to me when you did, I wanted to reach out to you but was unsure of how and what I was going to say. I never knew about you, but I'm glad that we know each other now. I am happy we got to meet when you were in Rhode Island, talking with you about everything was nice. Again it was like something was missing before talking to you, but then everything came together.

Having you both as my siblings are awesome, at least for me it is. I understand that we don't really know each other at all. It's crazy to think that we have some things in common, besides our father. We all love Harry Potter, my sister and I love to write, and Rob and I love line dancing. We also love Billy Gilman which I was a little jealous when I heard that you guys were friends I've only met him like three times.

With all this said, I do hope that one day we can all come together and just talk.

Your daughter/sister