To be called beautiful is an amazing thing unless you don't believe it. If you don't believe it, to be called beautiful is bittersweet. It is a mixture of emotions. It is tears and smiles caused by a single word. It is disbelief and skepticism and hiding it all so that no one says you are seeking attention for not just saying thank you and moving on. It is not knowing how to reply and not knowing how to accept a compliment you don’t understand. It is confusion and hours spent in front of a mirror wondering why what you see is so far from what you want to see. Beautiful. Handsome. Pretty. Strong. They are wonderful things to hear, but not always what seem most genuine. To be called beautiful when you don't believe it is tough, and it's not supposed to be.
The truth is, no matter who you are, what you look like, and what people say, the thing that will most affect you is what you truly believe. It is what you feel in your heart that determines how you see yourself. As I write I feel hypocritical, because I am a girl who struggles with her perception of self-beauty. I am one of many who are afraid of being unworthy, frightened of never feeling any different, and scared that others will see me the way that I see myself. I am a girl who still does not think she is beautiful but desperately wants to.
To be called beautiful is supposed to feel good, but also completely normal. It is supposed to feel as though it is a compliment well suited. Supportive, not reassuring. Expected, not surprising. Beautiful is not supposed to feel like a lie or like a word gilded in pity and sympathy. It is also not something that’s supposed to be pondered on. It is just a word. A word meant to let you know something that you have always known to be true. That feeling that beauty is normal and real is what I want for myself. It is what I want for everyone.
It isn't always easy to feel like you are good enough. It isn't always easy to know that you're worth more than you give yourself credit for. It isn't always easy believing you are beautiful. It isn't always easy, but it is worth it to try. To try to feel confident and unafraid and bold. To try to smile at your own reflection. To try to believe it when someone tells you that you are beautiful, or handsome, or pretty, or strong.
Everyone deserves to know what being called beautiful is supposed to feel like. You deserve it, no matter how much you have told yourself you don’t. So I hope you learn to believe it. Learn to love the parts of you that you hate. Learn to love someone you've spent so long despising. Learn to let yourself feel good.
I've heard that to be called beautiful is an amazing thing, especially if you believe it.
