"...Thanksgiving will be at my Grandma's house, so just my Grandma, my immediate family, so my mom, my brother and I, my aunt, and a couple cousins."
"Oh, are your parents divorced?"
"No, I lost my dad."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I lost my mom this year. It'll be the first holiday season without her."
"I'm sorry. It'll take getting used to like that, but you guys will be okay..."
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The above conversation was between myself and a dental hygienist at my dentist appointment the other day. I realize our situations are not atypical. Holidays are meant to be great, and filled with fun, warmth, and love. But sometimes we have extra hurdles to leap over to get to that place of fun, warmth, and love again. Sometimes it takes a few years. But healing does happen, I promise.
I know that "getting through the holidays" means something different to everyone who has to do it. Some family members have passed away. Some family members fight. Some family members are estranged. Some family members can't travel to be together. Life, families, holidays can be messy. They can be painful. And it's especially hard because families and holidays are not "supposed" to be painful.
There is nothing wrong with you if you don't look forward to holidays. There is nothing wrong with you if holidays stress you out as much as finals. There is nothing wrong with you if you just can't seem to get in the spirit. You don't need to "get over it." There aren't rules for this kind of thing; you're not abnormal if you're struggling.
There is nothing wrong with you if you still look forward to holidays, even after losing a family member, or changing a tradition because somebody moved. There is nothing wrong with you if you can still get into the spirit even after major change. You do not need to feel guilty for enjoying the holidays.
I am so looking forward to chopping down and decorating a Christmas tree with my family tomorrow. It was always my dad who used to do the actual chopping down of the tree with the saws the Christmas tree farm gave us. We never realized how difficult it was to do until it was just the three of us to do it! Dad died two years ago last July; this will be our third Christmas without him. I wasn't looking forward to our traditions much two years ago, or even last year that much. But I am, at least more so, this year. It gets better.
If you feel that you "have to get through" the holidays, rather than "celebrate" the holidays, it's okay. A lot of people have a hard time this season. You are not alone, I promise. You can get through them. You will get through them. As time goes on, you're getting better equipped with handling them too. No matter what your family situation is, or why the holidays are hard for you, I'm sorry that they're hard. Holidays shouldn't have to be, but often they are.
Take care of yourself after a taxing family gathering. Take the time you need to adjust. You can and you will get through the holidays. And I hope, at some point, you'll get to a place where you'll be able to truly celebrate them.
