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To All The Boys I've Never Loved Before

Here's the tea: I have a little something called commitment issues.

Franches Garay

Sep 05, 2018

University of Connecticut

330

https://unsplash.com/photos/4cNNenEn54c

It's not you, it's me.

Like actually.

It's not that I didn't want to, it's that I wasn't really able to.

It's known infamously as commitment issues. As in, I have actual problems with "the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled" also known as commitment, as defined ever-so-graciously by the wonderful Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

As in, the thought of being in something as intimate as sharing emotions to another level beyond physical is frightening, for lack of a better word.

When I decide to fall off the face off the Earth after months of talking to a guy, it's because I always get this feeling, or rather, feel like things were going serious too much in a way that I didn't like.

I don't think it's really fair to them nor is it fair to myself that I always let myself end up in this cycle of getting to know someone for months at a time and just because of a feeling, end up ghosting them.

I end up pushing people away and pushing away potential relationships every time because of this feeling I always get of being suffocated. Like the thought of settling down would cause me my freedom and would prevent me from experiencing life so freely.

But the thing is, it's not that people are disposable to me. It's not that at all. There isn't even really one specific reason underlying this issue but more like a plethora of things that kind of just bundled up to create the monster that is my issue with commitment.

By no means am I scared of commitment itself (or maybe I am) but I think I'm more frightened of losing myself so deeply into another person I no longer know who I am.

At the end of the day, I'm at a current point in my life where being in a committed relationship isn't necessarily something I want at the moment nor is it something I'm aspiring to have in the near future.

I am no Lara Jean nor do I want a Peter Kavinsky in my life nor is my life a relatable high school romantic comedy.

So to the all the boys I've never loved before, it's really as simple as (or as complicated as?) me having commitment issues. Sorry?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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To All The Boys I've Never Loved Before

Here's the tea: I have a little something called commitment issues.

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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